Jual's Gems

It's been awhile....

2012-01-11T01:53:00.001-05:00

Well, here we are in 2012! A year that has so much potential to be a really ~~good,~~no great year! I have a trip planned to PuntaCana with my husband in the spring andI'm the maid of honor in 2 very special weddings. Sadly, the first 10 days haven't been goodat all...

1. One of my New Year's resolutions, to try to have more authenticrelationships has proven to back fire on me. 3 people popped into mind rightaway for me to start my quest of being more real. Turns out 2 of them didn't caretoo much about my authenticity. My thought behind this resolution was to bemore open, honest, and true. And by doing this I hoped to strengthen myrelationships. Well, with the first 2 people, I'm not so sure they liked what I hadto say. Oh well, I said what I said out of love and concern and at least I washonest. I don't want to sit back and ignore things anymore or pretend thateverything is ok. The 3rd person thatcame to mind, well I still haven't found the courage to be honest. We'll haveto see how that one goes. I guess, I haven't decided yet if I care enough to goforward or do I just keep putting the band-aid over the issue. The first trydidn't go so well, so maybe honestly isn't always the best policy. I have toput more thought into this New Year’s resolution.

2. Chemo is kicking my butt! I feel sick ALL the time and I'm tired of it! Ikeep spiking high fevers, dealing with unbearable nausea, headaches and justfeeling blah! I believe I had a panic attack 2 days ago and last night I was inthe ER because of my high fever. I followed up with my doctor today. The good news isthat my tumor markers are going down! This means the chemo is working but thebad news is she wants me to continue this regimen. She suggested I start takinga steroid to help counter act some of the nasty side effects. The problem is, I don't want to take a steroid. To be honest, I fear that I will blow up like the marshmallow man and just lookridiculous in my bridesmaid dresses. I know this is vain but hey I don't care.I want to look good! Look good, feel good, right? Well, I caved today and took 1 pill. :-( I'm so mad because besides my vanity...I don't sleep on steroids. Hence, that fact that it's 2 am and I'mblogging. UGH!!!! I value my sleep! Oh and by the way...I still feel like crap.I'm going to give the steroids a fair shot but I'm thinking right now I muchrather sleep off the nausea and look good in my dresses. LOL!

Well, now that I got that off my chest! Tomorrow is a new day! 2012 WILL bea great year!

Hugs,
Jual

Race for the Cure....

2010-06-03T21:45:00.005-04:00

This Saturday, I will be running in my first Komen Global Race for the Cure! I'm actually very excited about it! I've been training for it for awhile now and for the first time in my entire life, I feel good about my running ability! (That's ironic!) Can't wait to post the results!

About a month ago, Andrea Roane of channel 9 news (Washington DC) came out to my house and interviewed me. Andrea Roane is the spokesperson for Buddy Check 9 and is very passionate about awareness and early detection. Andrea has been covering breast cancer stories for over 15 years and she does a lot of coverage on the Race for the Cure. I'm so thankful that she gave me the opportunity to share my story!

People may or may not know this about me but I'm very shy!!! When I was young, I was painfully shy. I've come out of my cocoon a little bit as I've gotten older. Sometimes I fear that others might perceive me as maybe unfriendly or stuck up. But that is not the case at all, I'm just too scared to talk! lol! No, really I do not like to draw attention to myself. I would be perfectly content to be the wallflower at every social event! I like being quiet. To say the least after the interview, I was sick to my stomach with nerves for weeks!!! You know the butterfly feeling, well it lasted for weeks! I really wanted to crawl into a hole and hide! I didn't even tell a whole lot of people about the interview. But once it aired and some people I knew saw it, I knew I had to overcome my fears and share the piece! Well, I didn't have the choice not to share it, it was on TV...ha ha! But I was thinking that I could get by with out anybody I know seeing it. Well, I posted it on Facebook! You know sometimes it's either all or nothing. Nothing wasn't an option so why not spread it like wild fire! ;-)

Why do I get so nervous about things? Why am I so shy? I feared silly things like what did I look like, was my house presentable, did I speak properly, were the kids going to behave, the list goes on and on. I'm reminded myself that I am who I am and I can't change that. And besides that, it's really not about me. It's about the bigger picture, to help bring more awareness to this awful disease. I did the piece not to be on TV but in hopes that I would help other women (and men too) to be their own health advocate. I know it sounds so cliche but I also hoped to inspire others to try to maintain a positive outlook no matter what, to make the best of what you do have and not dwell on the stuff that just sucks! It's healthy to acknowledge the stuff the sucks, have a good cry once in awhile but don't let it rob you of the good things.

I don't know how long I will be here on this earth. But I do know that each day is a gift from God and while I'm here I'm going to enjoy every minute of it! I've been put in this circumstance for a reason. A reason that we may never understand but He does. God has a plan! I trust him!

Watch the clip! And thanks for the LOVE and support!
WUSA9.com Washington, DC One Young Mother's Battle Against Breast Cancer

I have so much to say, so much to do.....

2010-04-29T12:05:00.004-04:00

Picture taken 4-17-10

3 year survivor and counting....I hope the cancer doesn't stop me......

It's that time a year again, where it marks the anniversary of my diagnosis! So many emotions to deal with. I'm so happy to be alive and well! I thank God for his grace and mercy in my life! I'm sad and still grieving of my life before cancer. I'm celebrating a new life after cancer. I feel accomplished in the the things that I have done over the past 3 years. I'm disappointed in the things that I still haven't done or changed. I'm scared of what the future holds. I'm excited about the future!

I love my children so much! I want to hold and hug them all the time and never let go! But I know that I have too, they need to go to school and have play dates. I get mad at myself when I get frustrated with them. I scream inside my head......"don't be mean to them, you don't want them to hate you when you are gone" and the very next second, "you still have to parent them, that's your job and you're not going to do them any service if you give in or let them do whatever they want, it's your job to be there mother here and now!" Do you see this constant battle in my head. UGH!! I just hope that I am doing a good job.

I think about writing all the time, whether it's here on my blog or in the kid's journals, or in Alex's journal. I need to do it more. I'm want to make that commitment to myself. I want to them to know me. I want them to know that I love them.

~Jual

Snow Much Fun!

2010-02-10T20:14:00.007-05:00

Wow! We have had the snow storm of all snow storms. We have had 20+ inches in this area and have been stuck in the house for a week. No school, no work! Boredom has set in but I just have to remind myself that it is truly a blessing!!! How often to do we have the whole family together in one house for a week at a time. Nothing to do, no where to go!! It's great!!!!! So, I'm going to turn my frown upside down and enjoy this time...soon enough we will be back to the daily grind, rushing around from here to there! I'm thankful for the snow!

Challenges and Surprises!

2010-01-17T22:19:00.005-05:00

2010 has been a great year so far! I had a follow up PET scan on Dec. 30. It had been 6 months since my last scan. In those six months, I had surgery to remove my ovaries. Well, it seems to be working! My PET scan report is an improvement from the one done in June!! Literally jumping for JOY!!

I started a new adventure. I challenged myself to run a 5K. I'm not a runner! I mean, I can run but never did long distance or got the breathing thing down. Well, my first 5k was a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day. I trained by running a few days a week on my treadmill in my basement. I never ran more than 1.5 miles at a time. So the big day came and I was terrified!!! My only goal was to run the race. I did not want to walk at all! I honestly DID NOT think I was going to be able to run the whole 3.2 miles. The race started, I took it easy. I wanted to try to keep an easy pace. I ran and ran and ran! To my surprise, I ran the entire race and in 32:30 minutes! WOW!! I really was on top of the world! So, I signed up for another race. I continued my training. This next race was on Jan. 3, it was called something like BRATZ FROZEN 5K! And it was freezing, temperature were in the single digits with winds of like 2o mph. It was a very bad idea!!! My goals was to just run it again. Well, I couldn't run the whole thing. The winds were so bad at one point, I started to walk to catch my breath. I walked for about 5 to 10 seconds. A nice young lady ran by me and said, oh you can do it...keep it up! So, I was pushed into running again. I finished the race. In a shocking discovery, I ran the race in 29:36 minutes. I took almost 2 minutes off my previous time! WOW! I'm really proud of myself. Is that ok to say? But despite the accomplishments of my 2 races, I honestly don't think I will continue to run. But never say never...we will see!

New Year's Eve 2009

2009-12-31T08:44:00.003-05:00

A moment to reflect! It always strikes me funny that when in the act of making memories, it doesn't alway seem like much. But when I look back at my photos and scrapbooks, I'm in awe of what great times we had! Just another reminder to live in the moment, cherish each day!

A Wonderful Christmas!

2009-12-27T09:01:00.005-05:00

We simply had the most wonderful Christmas! All 3 birds are at a great age for all the magic and excitement of Christmas!

We started off the holiday Christmas Eve, we went to Uncle A and Aunt T's house. The Woodstocks (grandparents, new name given to them by medium bird) were there. We had a delicious lunch and opened presents. We had a lovely time! Thanks, Uncle A and Aunt T!

Afterwards we went to church. We went to Uncle A's church, St. Joe's. It had the most beautiful nativity scene that I have ever seen! I really enjoyed listening to the priest talk about the true meaning of the season. To celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ AND to spend quality time with our families! I loved that a priest said this! I love Christmas! It is the season to celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ! I hold that number 1 reason to the highest standards but in that reason we have the number 2 reason to celebrate...Family! Not only did God give us his son but he also gave us family. They both equal LOVE! God loves us!!!

Christmas Eve night went to my Aunt T and Uncle F's house to celebrate with the Egan Clan! This has been a tradition in my family for many years! Some of the best memories of Christmas involve this celebration. There's like 100 of us and we all squish together in one house, there's laughter and hugs, there's old home movies, and there is so much love! I love my family to pieces and thank them for some great times!

We drive home to prepare for Santa Claus! On the way home, the kids look for Santa and Rudolph's nose in the sky! The same exact thing that I use to do as a child. I drive with a smile on my face! I'm so happy to be there in that moment!

We get home, put the cookies and milk out and the reindeer food. Ella writes a note to Santa, which we include a welcome to our house and a thank you! We need to show our gratitude, not just the gimmes. :-) Off to bed they go! I watch the last half hour of 'It's a Wonderful Life' and cry like a baby because it's so true!! Then I'm off to bed but right before, I check the Internet to see where Santa is....YES, I still believe!!!!!!!

I couldn't sleep all night! I was so excited!! Christmas morning is the most magical of all times. Miracles, hope, and joy! All you have to do is believe!

Finally at 6:30 AM, I get up! I make some coffee and read my bible...a little bit of quite Christmas prayer...

"An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a ...sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2:8-12

Finally at 7:30 AM I hear someone up....could it be the kids?!?! No, just Al! He comes down the stairs and we share Merry Christmas, Honey! Then sit in silence for a few. I then jump up and say I'm going to wake them up! Am I the only parent that had to drag their kids out of bed at almost 8 in the morning!?!? What is wrong with these kids, don't they know it's Christmas....that Santa Claus came!?!?

So, every Christmas since princess was born....I walk down the stairs with my little birds in my arms, while Daddy has the video camera. All four of us walk around the corner and then they all run with laughter towards the Christmas Tree! Priceless!!! For the next hour we open presents. We hear....that's what I asked for! Santa was listening! I love this! Wow! What's this, I didn't ask for this? Thank you! I don't want this! The best reaction, I think was from little bird, Ry....when he opened his SLIPPERS!!! (The only thing he asked for this year.) LOL!! So cute!! We caught that on tape!!! Thank goodness!!!

We clean up, have some breakfast and wait for round 2 with The Woodstocks! Then round 3 with Grandma and Grandpa Beach and company!

We had a delicious dinner! And then another favorite part of the day. In my sunroom, gathered with my mom, sisters, and niece! We have some wine and just talk and laugh!! Again, I have smile on my face...just to be in that moment! These are the moments, when all the excitement has calmed down but it's still exciting, the moment when you are so thankful to be alive!

The night comes to an end! I'm sad because we have to wait a whole year to come and go before we can do this all over again. And I have that annoying thought again, will I be here again next year? I quickly suppress it and remember that I will not cry because it's over, I will smile because it happened!!

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!!!

2009-12-07T11:31:00.002-05:00

Under Construction...

2009-12-06T00:10:00.002-05:00

Pictures to come soon!

My Super Heros!!!

2009-11-01T08:30:00.006-05:00

another reminder that I'm living with a deadly disease...

2009-10-23T10:34:00.002-04:00

Cancer sucks, every time I get into the ZONE of living my normal life and being happy and content, cancer comes and stomps all over me..............GO AWAY CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, I'm trying not to spiral into a sea of sadness today. I'm just playing with the boys and re-decorating my house! That always makes me happy!!!

Well, I went to the doctors yesterday for my routine treatment. I don't actually see the doctor at these appt. but she has an AM meeting with the nurses and discusses any concerns. The nurse started out by saying that Dr. W wanted to know if I wouldn't mind waiting until Jan to do my follow up scans. The Dr. said she felt comfortable waiting and she didn't want scans to interfere with holidays and such. I said sure no problem, I prefer it that way! She then said to me, that it would all depend of my blood work next month, we still might have to do scans in November. I said why, she said b/c my tumor markers were up last month. They have doubled, 19 to 44. (when I first diagnosed the # was 96, so 44 is pretty high). She then told me not to worry (easier said then done) that a lot could play into the fact that the #'s where up including inflammation, hence I just had surgery and the fact that my treatment that I had been on (the shot and pill) had not been working for the past year, that's why I had surgery in the first place.

So we are waiting until Nov. 19 to redo the blood work, that will give us 2 full months back on the medication and 3 month post surgery, and hopefully then the # will be back to normal.

Until then I will ...

"Pray, hope and don't worry. Trust in the infinite goodness of almighty God."
~St. Pio of Pietcrelcina

Hugs,
Jual

WOW, WOW, WOW!!!!

2009-10-19T22:16:00.044-04:00

The walk was simply a remarkable experience!! We had so much fun! The DC walk alone raised over 5.5 million dollars; we are getting closer to a cure!! Just to have been a small part of that is so cool to me! I have already signed up to do it again next year!!!

I was interviewed for an article in our local paper about Jual’s Gems and why we were walking in the 3-Day! I have no idea what I said b/c I was so nervous. I’ll have to wait to read it myself when it’s published. But as I was walking the 60 miles, I thought about that question a lot. I walked for many reasons, but this statement sums it up. I walked for all those affected by cancer and I’m walking for the future. A future of watching my children grow, a future without breast cancer.

I saw a breast cancer license plate 2 days before the walk, it said “MSMYSIS”! I almost broke down in tears. I don’t want that for my sisters, I don’t want them to have to miss me. I need to be here with them and I will do everything I can to make that come true.

I’m walking for my children….don’t you love this picture! This is my friend Becca! The team had been looking for that flag all weekend so we could carry it but never found it. When Becca was picking up her luggage on Sunday after closing ceremonies, she found it! This flag is why I walked…for my 3 little gem birds!

That will be my mission for next year to find that flag! My fighting force is my children and I do all things for them!! We did have the honor of holding and walking with this great flag!

This is my neighbor and dear friend, Michelle walking for her neighbor (that’s me)! :-)

Camping was fun too! That was the only thing that I was worried about, since I had never really been camping before! The sea of pink tents was definitely a sight to see! We were hot the first night, sleeping on top of our sleeping bags and then freezing the second night. We did get rained on the first night but not too bad…we were already in our tents and everything was covered in plastic!! We survived out in the wilderness. We even had a little “campfire”, AKA a lantern!

This was just one small section....there were many many more tents!!!

The 60 mile journey was a roller coaster of emotions. From opening ceremony to the physical challenge of getting up and to keep walking mile after mile, especially toward the end of each day when our feet were sore! We met some very nice and interesting people, heard some sad and happy stories. Sometimes we laughed so hard that even our stomach muscles hurt. We cried and we cried, sometimes for very good reasons and sometimes we didn’t even know why. On Sunday in the holding area, we were all so happy to be reunited with our families. Lots of hugs and kisses!

Once it got closer to closing ceremonies, all of the participants of the walk were separated by crew, walkers, and survivors. The tradition is for the survivors to walk in last as a celebration. The 3 survivors of my team got ready to honored by our family, fellow walkers, and crew.

As we lined up to walk into closing ceremonies, I realized that I along with my friends and fellow survivor sisters, Kathy and Erica would be the first of the survivors to walk into the closing ceremony onto the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in our Nation’s Capital! What an awesome experience!!! All three of us had tears of joy and just release of emotions! I can’t even describe the feeling, it was a goose bump moment!!

Thank you to all of my team members for all of the time, blood, sweat, and tears that went into this commitment of a 3 day, 60 mile walk and the efforts of a $2300 fundraising goal!!

WE DID IT!!!

Looking forward to next year!! Who’s interested?

I'm so excited...

2009-10-06T21:02:00.004-04:00

I can't believe the walk is almost here!! I'm very excited but nervous at the same time! I've been running around for the past week getting supplies for the 3 days. I'm packing and mentally preparing myself for this weekend! Everything in my duffel bag is in plastic bags just in case of rain. There is a 40% chance of rain on Saturday, let's all do no rain dance!!! That would just be miserable if it rained on us!! I got my pink gear and some fun accessories for us to decorate our tents and such! I will post pictures and update the blog as soon as I can!! Wish me luck!!

Thanks for all the support!!! Go team!!

One more week......Breast Cancer 3-DAY here we come!!!

2009-10-02T16:19:00.004-04:00

From left to right: Sara Vorce, Robyn Burns, Michelle Natysin, Becca Maguire, Jennifer Toussaint, and Lori Kaye.

This is my friend Erica Hutchinson, she is also walking with Jual's Gems and she too is a breast cancer survivor and a true inspiration!

Team Jual's Gems!! I love you!!! Thank you for walking for all those affected by cancer!!!

Foto Friday

2009-09-18T10:09:00.000-04:00

Foto Friday....

2009-09-11T06:05:00.002-04:00

Blessings....

2009-08-22T10:43:00.016-04:00

2007, 2008, 2009 and counting!

I'm so blessed to have 2 years with my little man along for the ride!! Statistics didn't give me 2 years. I believe in miracles! I hope to have many more years with him!!! I love you, Ryder!!

Ryder had dinosaur camp this week with his big brother! They had fun!! In the class was another little boy and his grandmother. Ryder formed a special bond with this woman. Playing with her, trying to scare her with the dinosaurs, holding her hand, waiting for her as we walked outside. Yesterday when we left...they hugged good bye. Ryder gave her a kiss on the chest area. She then informed me that she just had heart surgery and that she was going to be better because of his kiss. She didn't know about my cancer (b/c I like to remain anonymous). It spoke to me as a sign! Maybe he is a little healer, helping save lives. He saved mine!!! He was meant to be born, we all know that!! The little guy was a fighter and survived the not so peaceful womb experience. He is here for a reason!!! I thank God and all the angels watching over us!!!

I can't sleep and what's with PEARs...

2009-08-13T00:41:00.005-04:00

It's 12:41 am. I can't sleep! Too many thoughts racing through my head. A lot has been going on lately. I'm recovering from surgery. I feel pretty good, I guess! Still a little sore. I will be happy when this is all said and done! I don't like to feel weak but with each day...I'm feeling better!

Team Jual's Gems had a very successful fundraiser Monday night! That was fun! Thank you to all who came out to support our team and help make a difference in the fight against breast cancer. I truly have the most amazing family and friends! I'm so thankful and so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life! At the same time, I get so overwhelmed. I feel sad and undeserving of such support. Who am I to receive all this love? I'm just a girl who has cancer. Tears....let's move on....

I just hope that my story no matter the outcome makes a difference! If my story helps one person, it all worth it, right?

Life is short...I'm need to stop wasting so much time. I need to love more, laugh more, show more kindness. I just feel like I receive a lot of this and I don't feel as if I give it back! I'm ashamed of myself. I get too busy caught up in silly matters. I want to slow down. I want to give back! I feel as if there is something that I'm suppose to do. I don't know what that is but until I figure it out. I will love and be kind!

So I've become very fond of PEARs lately. Why, well each letter in the word pear represents the first letter in the names of my sweet family. So I found this blog background with the bird and the pear. Perfect for my blog!

Princess Muffins (the E) starts kindergarten in 3 weeks! Another swarm of emotions. I'm excited for her to start school. But I'm sad also! Once she starts school, she will be gone all day! I'm going to miss her so much! These are the last 3 weeks I will get to spend with her as a "toddler" if that makes sense. I know she is clearly not a toddler anymore. But she is my baby and we are getting ready to embark on a new chapter in our journey together! SCHOOL....I don't know how I feel about this!? I'm going to follow her around for the next 3 weeks, squeeze in snuggle time as much as possible, and try to make her feel special all day, everyday! She is so special to me....I just hope she knows that! I hope she knows that mommy loves her more than anything. I hope she knows that I love the way she smells, even the stinky thumb that she sucks all day. I hope she knows what a gift she has been to me! My day will not be the same without her. The house will be quiet and I know the boys will miss her too! I hope she likes school, learns a lot, and makes friends. She's going to love it!

Change is very hard for me, which is odd because nothing ever stays the same! Life is a constant change. How do I say good-bye? I look forward to the future with hope and faith!

I better get some sleep!

2009-08-08T20:22:00.004-04:00

Please help support our team fundraising efforts for the Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk, proceeds benefiting the Susan G. Komen for the Cure!

Jual's Gems invites you to come have dinner, drinks, and fun at

Mango Mike's
4458 Duke Street
Alexandria, VA 22304
703-370-3800

Monday, August 10, 2009
5pm-10pm

Please present flyer to your server, in order for our team to receive a donation from the restaurant! See me at Mango Mike's, I will have the flyer!!!

Dining Room & Deck dining only! We look forward to seeing you there!!! Children are welcome!

Beach Highlights #1

2009-08-08T10:44:00.011-04:00

Once Again...

2009-08-03T22:09:00.003-04:00

I go "under the knife" again tomorrow. I'm scared, nervous, and angry! But it's just another bump in my path of life! I will recover and be back in the saddle soon enough! Please pray for a swift recovery. (oophorectomy/out patient)

I also want to share this video!! It was created for my team for the Breast Cancer 3-DAy!!! It's very powerful and inspiring! It bought me to tears but was a nice reminder to keep fighting and to remember that this is all happening for a reason.

http://animoto.com/play/mY70tHQNTPCjCOxlAXxR6w?utm_campaign=share_email&utm_medium=email&utm_source=share_email?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=share&utm_campaign=one_click_share

I hope to post pictures of our beach trips by the end of the week!!! Come back soon!!!

~HUGS

I'm walking for a cure!

2009-07-12T16:34:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I went to an expo for the Breast Cancer 3-day! I'm so happy I went because now I'm super excited about the walk!! My team, "Jual's Gems" (of course) has 8 wonderful ladies, all raising $2300 each to benefit Susan G. Komen. I know the walk is going to be very challenging but fun and exciting! It's going to an adventure we will never forget. It will also be very emotional!! I'm going to have so fun with my friends and laugh, talk and enjoy some girl time. But I have a feeling, I will also be crying A LOT!! I might even regret being there for brief moments in time because the pain and fears that I constantly suppress will be right there in my face. I will miss my 3 little birds and "AC" (Alex's is new code name). But I will remind myself that it's all for the bigger picture!! I will be there so that hopefully in the future there will be no breast cancer. I will be there so that a young mothers in the future can have their babies and enjoy every moment with them without the fear of the big bad wolf chasing her down. I'm walking for a cure!

Please help me in my efforts if you can!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/Walk/WashingtonDCEvent?px=3304713&pg=personal&fr_id=1303&et=rgqr6X2Syd0ITIeWoITLew..&s_tafId=85068

short update...

2009-06-29T10:35:00.002-04:00

Isn't this a cute picture of my 3 little birds!
I had a PET scan a few weeks ago. At first they came back with a stable report but then my doctor called me and said that after talking to the radiologist, she wanted me to have a follow up CT scan to look at my lungs. There has been a few "spots" on the right lung that we have been watching for 2 years now (3mm and 4mm in size). They have not grown or changed in 2 years. Could they be cancer, we didn't really know but with no change we assumed they were just some benign spot or scar tissue. Well, this time around there is a new spot measuring 3mm and several other spots too small to measure but there. So now we are 99% sure it is the breast cancer that has now spread to the lungs. That's the bad news! But the good news is we are just going to wait and re-scan in September to see if there is any change. If there is no change we will continue with the current treatment, with the reasoning being that it's really slow growing tumors and we will want to use the current treatment for as long as we can. If there is change/growth then I will have to face chemo again. :-( I'm not happy about this but knew it was a huge possibility, so I've mentally prepared myself for this. I just move on with hope that we find a cure!

Quote Day!

2009-05-12T09:42:00.007-04:00

Okay, so I need to come up with some weekly ritual to blog! My medical life is quiet, which is wonderful! My mom life not so quiet but that's even more wonderful! I'm super busy all the time but I promise to slow down sometimes and share the adventures of me and my 3 little gem birds!!

For now....I read this quote tagged on someone email signature. I have no idea what the book is about or who the author is...I guess I should research that. But the quote really spoke to me...so I wanted to share it....

"It is the job of mothers to never give up, to leave no stone unturned. Mothers must believe well beyond all else, must hope all things and endure all things. Must show the kind of faith that moves mountains." -- Dr. Lewis Mehl-Madrona, author Coyote Medicine.

Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk

2009-04-29T15:47:00.003-04:00

Please Help Me....In Finding A Cure

I have decided to take on an incredible challenge and to fight cancer on my terms and in a small way help contribute to finding a cure. On October 9, 2009, I'll be walking 60 miles over the course of three days, camping out at night with thousands of other women and men taking this journey with me. I’m doing this because I am strong enough and healthy enough that I can walk. I will walk for everyone who can’t walk. I’ve always wanted to be athletic in some way, and it’s never too late. This is my chance!

The Breast Cancer 3-Day is a 60-mile walk over the course of three days. Net proceeds benefit Susan G. Komen for the Cure and National Philanthropic Trust, funding important breast cancer research, education, screening, and treatment.

Please help me in my goal of raising $2300. Go to this link to find out how you can donate.

Thank you,
Jual

http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/Walk/WashingtonDCEvent?px=3304713&pg=personal&fr_id=1303&et=HiieW-Wl89rHAkm3skqm8Q..&s_tafId=85068

Two years...today!

2009-04-17T14:55:00.003-04:00

April 17, 2007 was a horrible day but April 17, 2009 is a celebration!

Two years ago today, I was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer. Life as I knew it was shattered into a million pieces and thrown into a million different directions. I had to go through 9 months of chemotherapy in which I lost my hair, had to undergo a disfiguring surgery, and had 7 weeks of radiation that literally fried my skin. Not only did I have to go through cancer treatment but I also had a precious newborn and 2 other small children to take care of. According to the statistics; the odds were not in my favor. But by the grace of God, I’m here today…2 years later. I’m putting the pieces back together. My hair has grown back, that tiny premature baby is now a cute toddler, and life seems to be back to normal. It has become a new normal. I still deal with the challenges of a cancer survivor. I see the scars every day. I feel the pain. I get a monthly treatment. I live with tremendous fear of what the future holds for me and my family! But despite all of that, I appreciate life and all that it entails, so much more than I ever did 2 years ago. I love my life; it truly is a wonderful life.

I’m not only a breast cancer survivor. I am a breast cancer warrior. I have been fighting breast cancer now for 2 years and now with a stage IV diagnosis, I will be fighting breast cancer for the long haul. I will be in some kind of treatment for the rest of my life. Right now, it’s non-invasive and a very low key treatment. But one day, the cancer will become immune to this treatment and I will have to go through chemo and/or radiation again. I need a cure. But for now, the cancer is stable. I am strong and otherwise healthy. I feel great, alive and blessed!

Hugs and Smiles!

Spring is Here!!!

2009-04-06T19:26:00.004-04:00

Well, spring is trying! I have written so many blogs in my head, but too busy to actually sit down and type them! Which is a good thing, I guess!

My treatment is going and as far as we know, every thing is stable. I will have a follow up PET scan in June. Please pray that it will be good news!!

My 3 little birds are cute as can be and growing up so fast! We are preparing for a 3rd, 5th, and 2nd birthday over the next 4 months! We are very excited! WOW! I'm so happy that I'm going to be here for these milestones!!

Alex is awesome as usual! He's really enjoying his hockey team these days!

I will make a date to sit down and right a longer blog this week. I can write about are many adventures we've had over the past few months! It's spring break for the kids so life things will slow down a little this week!

Hugs!!

Winter Blues....

2009-02-24T13:42:00.023-05:00

I'm dreaming of some warm weather, just like the ones we use to have!! I miss my walks outside, the children playing outside, the beach, fresh air!! I love the changes of the season but I'm so ready for a new season! Even though I'm not a fan of the winter, we did have some fun! Here are the pics to prove it....

Eating and Making A Mess!

Hockey Games.....
Pierce thinks that he is Alex Ovechkin, so funny!!

Let's GO CAPS!!!

Snow Fun....

Alex showing the kids how it's done...

The boys all bundled up...so cute!!!

Ella and her best friend, Kiley!

My sweet Riley chasing a snow ball, she LOVES the snow!!!

Hugs,

Jual

Quote Day

2009-02-05T07:38:00.002-05:00

Whether You Think You Can or Can't, You're Right"--Henry Ford

It's all about attitude, right? I love this quote and think about it all the time! I think I can!!! And when doctors tell me I can't, it just fuels the fire more...I think I can!!!!

Field Trip

2009-02-02T07:26:00.010-05:00

Last weekend we took the kids downtown to the Museum of Natural History. I think after watching the Inauguration the week before, we were itching to be in DC. Grandma and Granddad Woodstock came with us on our adventure, but I'm sad to say we didn't even get a picture of them. We didn't really take that many pictures which is odd, I'm usually always snapping away. We didn't even get a picture of Ryder, I promise he was there too.

I guess we were just having too much fun! Here are a few pictures we did take....

The US Capital

Ella and Mommy after seeing the butterfly exhibit.

Ella said it was her favorite thing at that day...

A forgot the camera when we went into the butterfly exhibit...so I took one of the wall.

Daddy and Pierce playing with the Rain Stick....

Ella looking at something interesting...

Pierce, our little monkey sitting with Mr. Monkey....

We really had a great day!!

2009-01-10T11:30:00.002-05:00

I saw the doctor yesterday! She is very pleased with the PET Scan. It is good news, in the fact that everything is stable. There is still a little bit of activity in the sternum but it has been the same now since June. No other "cancer activity" anywhere in my body!!!! This is great news and a great victory to celebrate!!

I continue to hope and pray that one day, I get a PET that states NED, no evidence of disease. That would be wonderful! But for now....I'm very thankful for the great results that we have today!!

Happy New Year!!

2009-01-06T15:17:00.003-05:00

I just got an initial report from my follow up PET scan that I had yesterday and it's

GOOD!!

This means, it's either stable or better...find out more info on Friday when I actully see the doctor!!

Praise God...he has heard our prayers!!

Thank you!!

Merry Belated Christmas!!!

2008-12-30T19:38:00.003-05:00

We had the most magical Christmas!!! We hope you did too! Just remember, IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE!

"Remeber no man is a failure who has friends (and family). Thanks for the wings!"

Love,
Jual

Is Daddy Home Yet?

2008-12-17T08:59:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday, My dear sweet husband! We love you so so much but not so so!

Dear Alex,

I just wanted to let you know how much we love you! Every afternoon around 5pm...we get so excited to see you!! It's truly one of the highlights of our day!! Above is a picture of our 3 little birds waiting at the front door for DADDY to pull in the driveway! They were yelling your name and banging on the door. It was very cute! I just had to take a picture!

Your children adore you! They love playing with you and you guys always have so much fun together. You are a great father!

I adore you too. I'm so happy to be your wife, I love you with all my heart! You are my best friend.

Love,

Jual

Ella wants to say, she did this message for you too!

2008-12-10T22:20:00.002-05:00

Here is our annual picture of the kids in front of the Christmas tree!! As you can tell, Riley (the dog) loves this!!!

Alex P. Keaton

2008-12-02T08:54:00.006-05:00

I always loved the show Family Ties..I would look forward to watching it and dance around the living room to the song at the beginning! I especially loved Alex P. Keaton...funny I grew up to marry an Alex!! :-) And I grew up to love my own family ties!!

I just read an article in People magazine about Michael J. Fox. This was such inspiration to me and I wanted to share this...He makes a choice to be happy despite his condition and that's what I do! I choose to be happy!! Cancer is not my choice but I do have the choice to enjoy my life!

People Magazine-Dec. 8, 2008

"On Parkinson's Effects: "I refuse to define it in terms of a hardship or a difficulty ... It is what it is. You either get Zen with this [stuff] or you lose your mind." Having the disease "is part of an amazing life. And not an 'otherwise' amazing life," he clarifies. "It's part of what makes my life amazing."

"The Fox Family: "Our family life is so normal. [His kids] don't see me as suffering from anything. The joke is, we'll be going to school and I'll say, 'Choose to have a great day!' and they'll roll their eyes at me. They see me as positive, upbeat ... Parkinson's doesn't even come up."

"Coping and Looking Forward: He and Pollan "haven't looked back. For everything that's worse, there's something that's better ... I really love my life. That's just me. I understand Parkinson's is a real hardship for [some] people, and I'm not trying to be insensitive to them. But I have to be realistic about my situation. Yes, it's a horrible condition. Would I choose not to have it? Yeah, I think so. But it's not my choice."

"The Next Decade: "I'm almost sure that in 10 or 12 years we'll have much better medication for it. Based on how I feel now, I'll be okay for at least 10 more years." So what does "okay" mean to Fox? "Living a life, that's not much different than what I live now."

Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-28T21:21:00.003-05:00

The past year and half has been the most challenging time in my life. I found out I had cancer, went through chemotherapy, had a baby, had major surgery that changed my body, more chemotherapy, radiation that severely burned my skin, then finished treatment and felt lost and terrified. I did all of this while being a mom of 3 children under the age of 4. I had a few months where things seem to get back to normal and celebrated being cancer free, only to discover that the cancer was back. I now have to face treatment the rest of my life. My future is uncertain but I have today and I’m thankful for the past, present, and future. I intend to be here and to have an incredible future. Here are some other things that I’m thankful for. They are in no particular order, just a list of the wonderful things in my life, things that I am thankful for and enjoy!

My 3 Little Birds My Husband
My Home My Hair Riley Dog

My Family-Mom and Dad, Sisters(even CA chick), Brothers, Nieces,

Aunts, Uncles, Cousins(you esp-My KC), Mother and Father-In-Law

All of my Friends- especially Michelle and Jen-who listen to me cry and whine the most!
My bible study girls, My book club girls, My bunco girls

The beach, the sun, scrapbooking, gerber dasies, christmas trees, coffee & tea walks

lia sophia & My awesome team

Faith
Love, Laughs, and Hope

There is a ton more and more people who deserve shout outs but I will do that another day! I have to remove myself from the computer and take care of my precious babies!!!

2008-11-24T18:24:00.003-05:00

I just want to share with everyone....

I can officially pull my hair back in a pony-tail again!!!

WOO-HOO!!!

Lunch-Hollywood Style!

2008-11-17T15:50:00.006-05:00

I had the most wonderful lunch date today!

Here are some pictures!

It was so much fun!

Everyday, I thank God for the fact that I get to be a stay at home mom. I love being here with my children! I love our routine, playing and having fun! Even though sometimes, they drive my crazy, I still LOVE being a mom and I LOVE being home with them! I'm very fortunate that Alex and I agree that me being home with the children is the right thing to do! My husband is also the best dad in the world and helps me out so much! I'm also very fortunate to have found the perfect job for me that helps me to continue to be a stay at home mom. I have my own successful business with lia sophia jewelry. It gives me exactly what I need and want out of a job. I have full-time income while working part time. I get out of the house on occasion and get to dress up and hang out with other women but I'm not gone too long and when I come back, I'm always refreshed and can't wait to be with my babies again!!!

So, if you are like me and get to have lunch with your most favorite people in the world everyday! Consider yourself lucky!! I do!!!

HUGS!

Fall is Here!

2008-11-13T20:05:00.010-05:00

On Tuesday, we went to visit Grandma and Granddad "Woodstock" as they are called! Ella and Pierce had a blast playing in leaves, Ryder didn't really care for it. He liked sitting in the wagon much better! We really had a great time. I love days like this just being with family, enjoying each other's company and the weather.

I've decided that my blog is much too depressing. So I'm going to change the focus a little. I'm going to share more with you some other aspects of my life, not just the cancer. I have a wonderful life and I'm so much more than the girl with cancer. I want everyone to see that! So, I will still keep you informed on my health but now I want to share with you more of the good stuff in my life!!

Hugs!

The Land of Oz!

2008-11-02T18:26:00.000-05:00

Having Fun!

2008-10-22T13:29:00.006-04:00

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2008-10-15T11:23:00.002-04:00

It is very important to continue with the awareness so that women, young and old can be educated and aware of breast cancer. I don't want women to be blind sided by this disease any longer. Know your risk factors, talk to your doctor if you have a family history, and PLEASE do your self breast exams and mammograms!!!!

But for me and every women living with advanced breast cancer...we NEED to find a cure!!! With out a cure, we will eventually lose the battle. I'm going to fight and stay in treatment for the rest of my life but without that cure, I'm going to die. Now, please don't worry, I'm not going to die tomorrow or next year or not even a few years from now. The goal of my treatment is to keep the cancer under control and "stupid" for a long, long time. Enough time to hold out for a cure!!

Breast Cancer gets a lot of attention and funding, but we need more! I pray for a cure of breast cancer and all cancers. Did you watch the special on TV back in the beginning of September, STAND UP TO CANCER? They said it's not if we find a cure, it's when we find a cure. Oh that sounds so good and promising! I hope it really does become a reality!!

More drama....

2008-10-08T22:47:00.007-04:00

Please say a little prayer for my baby! On Monday night, he fell down one step as he was trying to climb up them and hurt himself. He was crying and crying and we could not get him to calm down, so I took him to the ER. I knew something was seriously wrong b/c he would not stop crying. Sure enough, he fractured his left leg. It was just the way he twisted it, the doctor said that if he was an adult it would have been a ligament injury but baby's ligaments are soft so the bone broke instead. He's in a splint until Friday and then a cast for 4-6weeks. Poor baby! He has been a good sport, just frustrated b/c he can't crawl around.

As for me...I'm okay.

I just want to thank you for all the comments, cards, and prayers! It means more to me than I can ever express!

Surprising, I'm doing very well. I've had a few good cries but all and all I'm okay. I have all the confidence that we will keep this under control for a long time. I might not ever get to be a grandmother but who knows maybe!

I go tomorrow for my first shot...it's actually a drug called Zoladex. Don't know too much about it really, all I know is that the goal will be to stop the production of estrogen. I'll find out more tomorrow!

I've just been trying to continue as normal. I had the most wonderful summer, enjoying life. As we go into fall and winter, I'll do the same! For every season! I'm keeping busy, still working, still cleaning (like crazy, it's a nice way to keep my distracted), still having the great privilege of being a mom.

Alex and I are having the "what if" conversations. It's not easy but if something happens, we want to be prepared and on the same page as far as the children. We are a team and we work very well together and together is how we want to make the decisions for our children's future! That's the biggest fear/worry that I have, how is he going to be a single parent. 3 children is a lot of work and to have to do it alone, I can't even imagine. Well, let's not worry about that now, only if we need to, right!?!?

With Love,

Stage IV

2008-10-04T20:35:00.004-04:00

I have stage 4 breast cancer. The goal of treatment will be to get my disease to become NED (no evidence of disease), which is the best case scenario or to at least stay stable. But Stage IV breast cancer is still considered to be terminal and incurable. How do I live my life under this dark cloud and continue to raise my 3 beautiful children and still laugh and plan and be a wife and work, and be a useful member of society? I don't know, but this is my goal.

My doctor seems very optimistic that we can get "years" out of a long list of treatments. We will try one until it doesn't work anymore (since at some point your body builds up a resistance to it) and then we will try another and another and another. She says she is in it for the long haul with me. She even got teary eyed when she said this to me. I truly believe she is doing all that she can and if she can't help me, I know she will lead me in the right direction of someone who can. She is very good oncologist that came to me highly recommended and almost everyone that I have come into contact with through cancer, goes to her as well. So at this point, I'm not seeking a second opinion.

I'm very fortunate in the fact that right now, I have "small volume" disease. It's in a very tiny spot on my sternum and that's it. It hasn't progressed in several months and there's no evidence of it any where else in my body. My tumor markers are very low, even lower then they were when we checked them in November. If everything stays like this, we should be able to manage the disease very well and for a long time.

Yes, I'm in shock and I'm scared. I'm angry! I'm numb! I have so many emotions to sort through right now. I need to learn how to move past this death sentence and try to live. That doesn't even make sense to me but somehow I have to do it. I want to live the best life I can. I want to be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, niece, aunt, and friend. I don't want to be treated any different, I'm still me! You don't have to say your sorry or try to make me feel better. I'm sorry that my family and friends have to deal with this as well. It's hard for all of us but together we can manage.

I need to keep my faith. My faith that every thing happens for a reason and that God is here with me. It's really hard for me right now not to give up on this concept. At the same time I want to cling to it more. I need a miracle!

The plan now is that I continue with the zometa to help protect the bones. I'll have a infusion every month. Also every month I will be getting a shot of lupron with the goal of shutting down my ovaries. This will stop the production of estrogen and cut off the "food" supply to the cancer. Without the estrogen, we hope that the cancer cells become dormant. I will also be taking another hormone therapy drug orally everyday. Cross your fingers, pray, do a little dance....whatever it is that you do, please do it at least once for me!! I would so deeply appreciate it and I thank you with all my heart!

2008-10-01T15:11:00.001-04:00

It's Cancer!

2008-09-18T12:40:00.003-04:00

Biopsy scheduled for Friday, Sept. 26 at Fairfax Hospital, 10:30am

Here we go again....maybe

2008-09-17T14:47:00.004-04:00

Well, friends it looks like I might be facing cancer once again. The radiologist that looked at my PET scan believes that the spot on my sternum is indeed cancer. My oncologist though , is still hopeful that it's not. We are scheduling a needle biopsy of the bone ASAP to determine once and for all what in fact this spot really is. CANCER SUCKS!!!

To look on the brighter side, if it is cancer at least it's not in my organs. The course of treatment will not change, I still will take the zometa to help protect the bones and maybe up my hormone therapy. We move forward!

Still don't know the results of the MRI but will keep you posted!

Please pray that I win this battle. I have to beat this for my children!

What does Jual's Gems mean?

2008-09-10T21:41:00.007-04:00

My gems are you, my family and friends, especially Alex and my 3 little birds, Ella, Pierce, and Ryder! I love them so so much! The pictures above was taken on one of our many trips to the beach this summer. I love the beach and was so very happy to be there again alive and well! We had so much fun! I'm going to frame this picture for Alex!

To my prayer warriors...Thank you for the gift on prayer! It has been an amazing spiritual journey! I've been thinking about you a lot lately and feel so very blessed and just wanted to let you know that I'm so grateful for you and your prayers...it means so much to me!!!

I have two big test next week. I have a follow up PET scan on Monday and a breast MRI on Wednesday! I'm very nervous about them and of course having all sorts of symptoms to make me nervous. But I think it's just my mind playing tricks on me and in my heart I think (hope) I'll have good results. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers and send good/happy thoughts my way!

I've been dealing with lymphedema on my left hand since early July. I have a new physical therapist and she is GREAT. We've been doing some different techniques and have gotten really good results. My measurements have gone down! And I can actually see my bones again on the back of my hand, well just a little bit. I still can't wear my wedding rings but I plan on going to get them re-sized to wear on my right hand. Lymphedema is a chronic condition and I will always have problems with the swelling but hopefully when it's under control, I can wear my rings on my left hand again and when I have a flare up..I can still wear them but on my right hand! My rings are too beautiful not to wear! And a symbol of my love and marriage. I know "things" shouldn't mean that much to you but if I'm being honest my wedding rings mean a lot to me! And I want to wear them....I miss that beautiful diamond on my hand!!!! :-)

Celebrating 1 Year!

2008-08-11T12:50:00.003-04:00

I just celebrated my 1 year anniversary of being cancer free! I'm so happy and blessed and love life!! I pray for many more cancer free years!

Happy Birthday to my little bird, Ryder! He just turned 1 year old!

Cancer Scared!!

2008-06-25T16:57:00.004-04:00

I had a little scare last week. I had a bone scan done on Monday, June 16 b/c I have been experiencing rib pain. We did the bone scan to be on the safe side. I was not worried at all about this scan. I just figured the rib pain was from the radiation and was just something that will be chronic and no big deal. So I went into the scan feeling very confident that everything would come back normal. WRONG! It just goes to show me, that I should never be over confident. I got a call Tuesday evening from the doctor's office. She told me that they see something on my sternum and they don't know if it's related to breast cancer or if it's arthritis. She proceeds to tell me they want a PET scan done to rule out breast cancer. We ended the conversation with the plan to have the PET scan the following Monday or Tuesday. The very next morning(Wed. morning), the phone rang at 8:15am, waking me up. I didn't answer b/c I was sleeping and figured whoever it was they could leave a message. Of course it was the doctor's office informing me that my doctor would like me to have the PET Scan prior to my visit with her on Friday at 3:15. What visit?, I thought. This didn't sound good! Fairfax Radiology called and set up my appt. for Thursday at 1:30. So hear we go!!! This was my first ever PET scan, so a little nerve racking. Was this cancer? And oh great what if they see it all over my body. All the negative thoughts raced in my head. I had to assume it was cancer. No one understood that but I had to prepare myself for the worse case scenario! Alex stayed home Friday with the kids and my mom went with me to the doctor's. I did not want to hear the dreaded news by myself.

So Dr. W walks in and I'm sitting on the table with my gown on...she says why don't you have a seat first and let's talk. My heart dropped to my stomach! She had just gotten off the phone with the radiologist. He pulled up every scan that I have ever had and looked at all of them again. In retrospect, this spot that showed up on my sternum has always been there but was never a spot to cause suspicion before. The doctors theory is that the drug that I'm taking in the clinical trial has "highlighted" this spot. Meaning that there is something there, whether it's cancer or it's a crack in the bone. The drug, zometa is making it more dense, meaning it's doing it's job. She said she would love to say it's not cancer but she can't. She said we could do a biopsy but she didn't think that was necessary at this point. She said even it was cancer in the bone, the course of treatment would be the same. I would just continue to take the zometa. So the plan of action as of now is to monitor the spot and see what happens. I will have another PET scan in August and probably again 3 months after that. This was a huge relief and I felt reassured when my doctor looked me in my eyes and said "We're okay!" So, I'm okay! She is not worried about this spot at this time! Thank God!!! More good news is that the PET scan shows your entire body and my body was perfectly clear of cancer anywhere else!!! Go Me!!!!

I continue to pray that my body stays cancer free! And for now, I will continue to enjoy the Harman Summer Camp that I have planned for the kids!!

Hello Again....

2008-05-13T22:49:00.004-04:00

Thanks to my incredible Team Captains and awesome team...The Y-Me Walk was a huge success and a lot of fun!!! We have almost raised our goal of $9000 and by the time they cut off donations, I know we will surpass our goal! Thank you to all of you that help support Jual's Gems, it really means a lot and I'm so happy that we are helping local women get the support they need!

It's been awhile since I've updated my blog, I guess for a couple of reasons!! My life is getting back to normal, I'm so busy being a mom and I LOVE it! I love just being! I'm spending time with my children, having playdates, going to Little Gym, cleaning the house, blow drying my hair!!! :-) All the daily activities of a stay at home mom. It's great!!! And the other reason, is that I try to pretend that none of this ever happened...the denial state! It works sometimes...but the fear always creeps back in and the aches, pains and scars always reminds me. It's getting better with each day. I think a lot less about cancer now, I'm not letting it control my every thought anymore! Hopefully one day, there will be a time...when I don't think about it at all!

As far as my health, I keep getting A's on my report card! I had a check up last week and everything looks great!! I pray that I continue to have good health! My energy is back and I've started to exercise again and it feels great! I feel great!! We only have one concern right now, I have been having some rib pain, we think due to scar tissue from the radiation but we will be doing a bone scan soon to rule out the possibility of bone mets. I honestly believe it's just scar tissue but I don't want to think it's nothing and have it be something.

I look back over the last year and I know that I never would have made it through without all the love and support that I got. Thank you to all of you for being there for me and my family! I'm truly blessed with a great family and great friends!

Y-ME Walk 2008

2008-02-18T14:20:00.004-05:00

Last year about 1 month after my diagnosis, we participated in the Y-ME National Breast Cancer Organization Walk To Empower. It was an unbelievable event, where my family and friends came out to be there for me in such a surreal and frightening time. In less than 2 weeks we raised over $8000 to help support women with breast cancer. We also had over 70 members on our team, Jual's Gems walking with us! My sister Sara is organizing another team this year and our goal is to raise $9000. We invite you to join us on Mother's Day for the walk in Washington, DC. If you can't join us please consider donating to the Y-ME organization, their slogan is, "no woman should have to face breast cancer alone." I have not faced one step alone in this battle and I'm so thankful for that! I want the same support for everyone who faces this horrible disease! Please go to the website for more information on the walk and on donating! Thank you so much!
Y-ME National Breast Cancer Organization: Walk to Empower - Washington, D.C.:

Good News!!

2008-01-25T14:56:00.000-05:00

My CT scan came back clean!! The spot on my lung is still there but there has been no change. It sounds to me that the doctor is not concerned about it at this point. I have another follow-up on Feb. 19. I will post any new info then!

Thank you for all your prayers and words of encouragement! I feel the love and support and it means so much to me! Without all of you and your prayers, love, words of encouragement, and support, I don't know if I could have made it through this whole ordeal!

I feel great! My energy is not as it use to be but hopefully in time this will get better! I'm ready to put this all behind me and move on with my life!!

The plan now is to start Tamoxifen next week (for 5 years) and then regular follow-up appt. every 3 months. I will continue on the clinical trial for the next 3 years!

I know God is hearing our prayers!! So I will continue to pray that he restores my health and keeps me cancer free! God is great! I have seen this, I feel this!!

Happy New Year!

2008-01-15T09:24:00.000-05:00

I hope this year will be better than the last! Praise, I'm so relieved to be done with treatment. I've really enjoyed being home with my babies! But I still need your prayers, please! I'm so terrified and can't seem to shake it. I'm should be happy that treatment is over but all I can think about is will it come back. I went for a follow-up last week, blood work looks good, no new symptoms. They are sending me for a follow-up CT scan to look at a small lung nodule. They say it could be nothing and that I could have had it there all my life. Reports from previous scans said it was 2mm back in August and in November 4mm. My doctor assured me that this is not a big difference and just the readings from different radiologist could be the reason for the change. But it terrifies me, What if it is cancer? Please pray that I keep my courage and strength. Please pray that this lung nodule never turns into something that's harmful to my body! Pray that I beat this horrible thing so that I may live my life with my wonderful husband and beautiful children!! Thank you!

2007-12-28T14:47:00.001-05:00

This time next week...I will be done with treatment! I'm so happy and relieved! It's been a terribly hard 8 months and I'm so thankful it's coming to an end. I'm healthy and happy! I've been cancer free now for 5 months. I plan to stay this way! I plan to live a long healthy life and I will enjoy every minute of it!

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! Your support to me has been a tremendous help and inspiration! I have been truly blessed to have all this wonderful support. My family and friends...is exactly what keeps me fighting!

Merry Christmas!!!

2007-12-23T16:50:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year!

I only have 7 more radiation treatments to go! So with all the holiday breaks, I should finish up Jan. 4! I can't wait! My skin is really red and peeling. Ella says it's looks really disgusting and she is right! It's very sore and irritating but only a few more days and then it can heal up!!!

I've started a clinical trial with my medical oncologist. I will be in this study for the next 3 years. I will be monitored every 4-6 weeks, so I feel "safe"! The study is for women who's cancer is currently in remission. (That's what it reads but I haven't gotten the verbal words from a doctor, still waiting to hear those words!) The study is investigational and is being done to find out if adding a drug (a bisphophonate) to hormonal therapy or chemotherapy will help prevent cancer form spreading to the bones or other parts of the body. I will be in getting an IV injection of one of these drugs every month for the first six months, then every 3 months after that for the next 2 1/2 years. Like I said they will be monitoring me very closely!

My spirits have been pretty good these last couple of days...I guess it's the spirit of Christmas! This is one of my favorite times of year!

Take Care and God Bless!

2007-11-30T04:01:00.000-05:00

Hello, my bloggers, Is that what people who reads blogs are called? Or is that what I'm called. I don't know. I don't know Internet lingo...I didn't even know what YouTube was until a couple of weeks ago. I'm so disconnected from the outside world right now. My life is kids, radiation, kids, medical stuff, work and kids again. It's crazy busy. I feel like the energizer bunny...I keep going and going and going but I definitely don't have the energizer batteries in me. I'm so tired. But hey I'm not complaining, just telling you how it is...I love every minute of it..well I love the kid and work part. I don't like the radiation and medical stuff..I can't wait until it's over. Radiation is an everyday commitment and it's a pain in my rear! It takes 3 hours out of every day and most of that is driving time. But it's crucial to my recovery so I do it with pleasure but it's still a pain!

Anyways, I've missed you! I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile. I was starting to feel too vulnerable and embarrassed. I didn't really realize just how many people are actually reading this. I started to feel as if people I didn't even know, or even people I do know for that matter just knew too much about me. I don't know if that makes any sense but it 4am right now so who cares about all of that. I couldn't sleep and I feel inspired to write so here I am.

And even though, I'm so tired I can't sleep. I am so going to pay for this later. I have a show tonight...I hope I don't fall asleep during my presentation or have another "PDM" Public Display of Mental Breakdown. It's bad. I've had 2 in past few weeks. I've completely embarrassed myself. I think I've done a pretty good job of holding it all together so far or at least appeared to be okay from the outside and then breakdown at home or in the car. But I think the demands of radiation have tipped the barrel and the tears have been flowing. I told my mom that I feel like people think that I'm trying to "crying my way out of the speeding ticket" but it's not that at all. It's just that if I get the slightest bit upset watch out...get your umbrellas ready b/c once the tears start they keep coming.

Talk about vulnerability. At this point in my life I feel raw. That's the only way to describe it. I feel as if I've been strip down in public and I'm just exposed. My hair is gone, my breast is gone. I lay on this table at radiation exposed. I've exposed my thoughts on the Internet. I cry like an idiot in public. I just feel like I've been broken down to nothing. I do feel vulnerable and I miss my hair. And I can't even to begin to tell you the emotions, thoughts and feelings about losing my breast...that's a whole other show. But I do feel that when you hit rock bottom the only way is up. So I'm going to keep climbing up and one day I'll be out of this hole.

Even though every thing is good right now. Test results good, chemo done, radiation in progress. Things are looking good. They are and I'm so happy about that. But it's the emotional part that is still not so good. It's been a hard journey and I've gone through so much and it's not over yet. I tell myself I'm okay but sometimes I'm not okay. At 8:30am when Ella wakes up and I say good morning princess and she climbs into my lap, I'll be okay. Or at 9am when Pierce wakes up and he gives me a hug, I'll be okay. Or at 10am when my mom comes over to watch the kids, I'll be okay. Or at 5pm when Alex gets home, I'll be okay. Or at 7pm when I go to my show I'll be okay. Or when Ryder smiles at me, I'll be okay...but every other time of the day who knows if I'll be okay. I keep myself busy so that I can feel okay but the moment I stop being so busy...I don't know how I will feel. That is why I keep working, and playdates, and bible study, and book club and this and that b/c it makes me feel good. My friends and family say I'm doing too much...yeah maybe. But it's a fine line really. I'm doing what I need to do to feel better. I have cancer but I can't let the cancer have me. I'm still going to live my life and enjoy my life. And I'm resting at night when every body else is resting. And when I absolutely need those naps...trust me I take them. I love to sleep!

I know it's okay to have my moments of being sad and angry. I need to allow them to happen, it's healthy to cry and to release it but I rather be happy. I encourage everyone to find that thing that makes them happy and do it! Enjoy your life!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-22T20:42:00.000-05:00

I have a lot to thankful for, all the love and support that I have gotten over the past few months. It's just amazing! It has made me strong and has helped me fight this battle!

My beautiful children, my wonderful husband! The best family and friends!

Thank you!!!!

God Bless You!!

It's been awhile...

2007-11-02T04:50:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone!

I've been so busy lately. Life seems to be getting back to "normal"! Which is wonderful! I have one more week of chemo!!! Yippy!!! I'm so excited but very nervous at the same time! About 2 weeks ago we stopped the Taxol b/c I was experiencing neuropathy in my toes. It's temporary while on Taxol but could become permanent, so we stopped Taxol. I had a total of 9 rounds. We continued the Carboplatin and next week is my last treatment for a total of 6 rounds!!

Today, I go for my radiation planning! I will end chemo on Nov. 8 and start radiation on Nov. 14! So there is a light at the end of the tunnel...only a few more weeks!!!

In the last 2 weeks, I have also had 2 more scans. A MRI of the brain b/c I was having dizziness. The brain checked out great! Good News! We guess that the dizziness is either from being exhausted, hormones, or from the Taxol. It has gotten better since we stopped the Taxol. I also had another CT scan of chest and abdomen just to rule out everything with the dizziness and plus I've been having lower back pain. CT scan checked out great! More good news!!!

My oncologist and my surgeon seem to be happy with my progress! Hopefully things will stay smooth sailing from here on out!

The kids loved Halloween...we had a blast."Beauty and the Beast" got lots of candy! And Ryder slept in the Baby Bjorn! Ella is already talking about next year!!

Great News!!!!

2007-10-13T20:19:00.000-04:00

We have great news to share!!!

In April when I was first diagnosed, I had a tumor blood count of 96. On June 27 it was a 67. As of last Thursday, my tumor count is 18!!!!!!! A count 1-30 is considered normal!!! So I'm considered normal again!!! ;-) I'm so relieved!!

More good news...

Ryder is off his apnea monitor!!! He went for his re-evaluation and the last episode that was recorded was on Sept. 12 but it was nothing significant. So for 1 month there were no episodes recorded. He is free of monitor!!! Yippy! He weighs 9lbs. 12oz! WOW!

Thank you for all your prayers....they seem to be working!!! Thank you so much!!!!

Update....

2007-10-05T06:10:00.000-04:00

Things seem to be slowing down a bit! Which is really nice because I need the rest! My chemo has been extending for another 4 weeks. My last day was suppose to be Oct. 11 but now it will be Nov. 8. No reason to be concerned about, it's just for dosage reasons. My doctor just wants me to get a full 12 rounds of Taxol and 8 rounds of Carbo. So this pushes back radiation to start the week of Nov. 12. I will have a PET scan sometime around the first of Nov. to re-evaluate my situation. I'm nervous about the PET scan but can't think about that now! I'll cross that bridge when I get there!

Ryder has 2 appts. next week, look for an update next week. A check-up with our pediatrician and a follow-up at Georgetown with the apnea clinic. I hope they take him off the monitor. It makes people nervous. I like it b/c if something were to go wrong, like if he stopped breathing, we'd know about it right away and could do something immediately. Even though I want him to off for convenience purposes, I'm nervous about having him off b/c then I'll be checking on him every 2 minutes to see if he is breathing.

Ella loves school!!!!!!!!!! She is so excited and wants to go everyday! She is learning so much and tells me all about it! We finally convinced her to get her haircut. She didn't want "to cut her hair all off", I think she thought we were going to cut her hair like mine. But somehow we got her there with no fight and she looks adorable. She is such a joy to me, always giving me hugs and kisses. She tells me everyday that my boo-boos will go away soon! She is my own special little cheerleader!

Pierce is talking about a storm, everyday he learns how to say a new word and loves to share it with us. He likes to sing and dance with The Wiggles. He is an eating machine....loves to eat and wants to eat constantly. Pierce has realized that Ryder is here to stay...he's very loving and wants to kiss him all the time but when I'm feeding Ryder, Pierce wants to hug and snuggle with mommy too. So I have to hold both my babies when feeling Ryder. It's quiet cute!

I have had a lot of swelling in my arm and we are concerned about developing Lymphedema. This is a condition of localized fluid retention caused by a compromised lymphatic system. It's not too bad right now but I'm going to go get fitted for a compression sleeve to help alleviate some of the swelling. Especially since I will be flying a couple of times in the next few months for work and the cabin pressure can increase the swelling, the sleeve will help decrease the swelling during flight. Just another not so wonderful thing that has entered my life since the big C word.
But for every not so wonderful thing that has entered in my life, I look for the other very wonderful things in my life! And trust me I have a lot more wonderful thing than not so wonderful. I'm very blessed and thank God for that everyday!

Take care!

Chemo update...

2007-09-26T04:04:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to get more pics of Pierce but he is not having it these days. He's on the go, never sits still! So funny and cute! Of coarse, Ella is a ham and loves to have her pictures taken, especially with her baby Ryder!

After chemo last week, I felt very tired. I'm still very tired. I was feeling sick all day Sunday. I just didn't feel very well, it could have been from the chemo or something else. It's hard to tell these days which end is up. The taxol I think makes me very achy and I think the new combo left me exhausted. The good news is....Only 3 more weeks of chemo and then on to radiation. 10 weeks left total, almost done! Hopefully I'll be rocking in the new year free of cancer and treatment and moving on to a new chapter in my life!

My arm is much better, the cording is almost gone and the range of motion is great! I still have a lot of muscle tension. If only I could get a massage, it would be wonderful. But my oncologist has suggested to stay away from massage for now until we repeat scans. B/c of the inflammatory aspect of the cancer, there is some thought that massage could help spread the cancer. And we don't want that, so I'm dealing with the muscle tension.

Ryder is still on his apnea monitor but goes back on October 11 for a re-evaluation. He's monitor has not alarmed in a few weeks. So hopefully he can come off the monitor on the 11th. He's gaining weight, eating well, and sleeping well. He's getting big, getting those chubby checks...soo cute! He's just a sweet blessing! I'm so thankful that he's healthy and here in my life!

2007-09-23T11:47:00.000-04:00

An Awakening!!

2007-09-21T05:54:00.000-04:00

Literally...Ryder woke up at 4am...I fed him and changed him he is back to sleep but now I'm awake. I feel kinda funny and I think it's b/c of chemo yesterday. My body feels achy and I feel the need to take deep breaths. I finally came downstairs to make a delicious glutamine drink. A powder that is recommended to help with muscle and joint pain that comes along with the Taxol. I started carboplatin yesterday in addition to the Taxol. So the combination may take a toll on me. So as I enjoy my nice grainy drink this morning...I want to share some thoughts...

I feel like I've been slapped in the face sometimes. Wake up!! What have you been?! I've been in the dark and now I'm awake. Let's just hope it's not too late, I want a second chance. I hope for this second chance!

I have had 2 awakenings...okay warning this is a deep post and a little out of my comfort zone but feel the need to write it down and share.

Let's talk about the less deep topic first. This whole healthy lifestyle thing. I'm mean where have I been?! It just seems so simple. Eat healthy, exercise and try to alleviate stress. It's so good for you. I've always thought that I ate pretty healthy and I'd work out on occasion. But life gets busy and you don't make time, convenience seems to become so much easier and the way of life. After all this research I've been doing over the past few weeks. I've learned that there is a lot of room for improvement in my diet and exercise. I also need to find a way to alleviate the stresses of life. I need to make the time and the commitment to a healthier lifestyle. I recommend this to everyone! It might be hard at first but once you get use to it, it will become the way of life. What you feed your body is so important! Dr. Otto Warburg a Nobel Prize winner in 1931 stated that no disease can live in a oxygen rich environment. It makes sense, huh? We can provide our bodies with oxygen with live foods, so load up on those fruits and veggies, drink lots of water, and get your body moving. Bottom line take care of your body, it's all we have.

I know that I didn't cause my cancer but experts say cancer is contributed to a break down of your immune system. So, I could help my body build up it's immune system now and help it get better and just maybe if I had practiced this before who knows. Cancer is still such a mystery to everyone. I just feel the need to take control of something and adapting a new healthier lifestyle for me and my family is a way that I can help. A way I can feel in control again.

Okay on to the deeper topic...

Religion...I'm so going way out of my comfort zone with this post but oh well, here it is...

I've been around religion all my life. I was raised catholic, went to catholic school for grade K-6. Went to church on occasion, have to admit was never a every week kinda person. But you cross paths, you met someone, God is there always and I believe he has lead me in every direction that has brought me here today. I'm going through this trial for a reason. I'm not sure why and it might not have anything to do with me. But one day it will be clear and hopefully it serves a purpose so worth it all!

I do believe that God has been trying to talk to me for while. But I was too stubborn, stupid or blind to see and listen. I believe that a few times he whispered, then sent gentle signs, and then some very obvious signs. Like a big red arrow pointing to a airport chapel after a 2 hour flight with a friend and a deep religious conversation. I heard the whispers, saw the signs but didn't really pay too much attention. Someone asked well did you go into the chapel when yo saw the arrow. I said no. He even sent angels in forms of family, friends, and even co-workers. But now he has hit me over the head...he has my undivided attention. My only concern is why has he being talking to me and now why do I have cancer. Is it because my time in near or is it because I have more work to do.

Over the past several years things have happen to lead me closer to him. It's a really long story but to put things in a nut shell...it's funny how things unfold. I met Alex who was also catholic and during our preparation for marriage we started attending church together. As our relationship developed, I think our relationship with God and our faith strengthen as well together. His mother's tremendous faith even though honestly was a little overwhelming to me at first. It was just not something that I use to and was not comfortable with. Honestly even though I always had religion in my life and I considered myself a believer, it's was something that I felt more that I had to not necessary b/c I wanted to. And honestly the whole concept frighten me, it still kinda frightens me. I don't know why, I thinks it's b/c I don't feel educated enough. But with my mother-in-laws commitment and faith..it helped educated me more and spark curiosity. I then had children and I want to instill good morals, values, and faith in them. We had them baptized and started taking them to church. I started a home-based business a few years ago, I did this to do something part time and to help contribute financially to my family. But WOW...I've gotten so much more than that. The women that I work with closely our wonderful sweet christian women. Again their tremendous faith sparked even more curiosity in me. I've have learned so much over the past year through them then I have in my whole life. And now that I've fighting cancer. I have gotten so much support and prayers. The generosity of others and them sharing their faith has shown me that God is great and that there are good people out there, who really care. People who have faith and are helping me learn and grow closer to God. Religion and Faith has become a priority in my life over the past year or so and especially over the past few months. I've become more curious, I've been reading the bible and other literature. I've been attended church more and I been apart a weekly bible study since the beginning of the year. I want to learn more about God and grow with him in my life. I now do this because it's something I want to do not because I have to. It's become a great sense of calm for me.

The list of people goes on and on that I want to offer my thanks to you. All of you who shared your faith , your words of inspiration and encouragement, all who read my blog, all of you who post comments, all who send cards and gifts, who call me, send emails. WOW! It's all I can say...Thank you so so much! All of you are truely wonderful gifts in my life and I honestly can not thank you enough!

I told you this was deep and sorry if it's too much for you but this is my journey! Cancer as horrible as it is, it has also has opened my eyes to the great gifts and good in my life. Awakenings that have and will continue to help me grow as a person. I have seen love and support from wonderful people, family, friends, and even strangers. I see good things in life despite all the bad. My spiritual journey even though started some time back has exploded into so much more. I feel alive, so alive despite that fact that I'm fighting for my life. Isn't' that funny! Ironic but I'll take it as another sign. I'm strong and fighting hard!

Therapy!

2007-09-18T22:47:00.000-04:00

I want to share with you some of my therapy techniques. The "real" kind and then my kind. The real kind is the kind that is actually being facilitated by a medical professional and then my kind is what helps me carry on, on a daily basis.

The real kind:
1. Physical Therapy: I'm going twice a week to help get the range of motion back and to help with the "cording" of my lymphatic system. I have a lymphatic vessel that is so tight I can't extend my arm out all the way. It's tight b/c it's working over time to help get the flow function back to normal after surgery and the removal of the lymph nodes. It's getting a little better every day and the physical therapy is helping a lot!

2. Mental Therapy: I do see a counselor twice a month. She is great and has been a huge help and support to me! She is an oncology specialist and is very educated on breast cancer and treatment of breast cancer. It's wonderful to go there and chat about fears, ask questions, and get honest answers. She has been a great resource for me. It's also nice to talk about the things that I don't want to necessary talk about sometimes with my family and friends.

Now my kind:
1. Positive Thinking and Visualization: I'm been very positive. Thinking of the future and believing that I have one. Telling myself that I can beat this. Why not? People with stage III and IV cancer survive all the time. I going to be that person! I'm going to survive. I've also been practicing visualization...I visualize the chemo entering in my body and scooping up all the cancer cells. Hopefully this will help kill all remaining cancer cells.

2. Music Therapy: WOW! This has always been a great source of therapy for me. I love lyrics, the stories or advice that songs give us. I always have theme songs to help me through times, good and bad. It's very powerful, a simple song can make my day better! Here a few that I listen to everyday! I listen to them loud and I sing along, an amazing thing for me to do. I even use certain lines in my positive thinking technique.

Song, Artist, Line
Move Along, All American Rejects, the whole song really but "Right Back What is Wrong!"
3 Little Birds, Bob Marley, "Every thing's going to be alright" b/c of my 3 little birds.
Just Wait, Blues Travelers, "It will come" I have to believe that one day, I will be cancer free!

I'm trying to "right back what is wrong". I'm doing everything in my power to help fight this horrible, scary disease. I'm doing all the treatments advise by my doctors. I'm changing my diet. I'm increasing veggie and fruit intake, increasing whole grains, beans, and nuts, cutting out sugar, no red meat, range-free chicken, organic everything. I'm giving up foods that I love and exploring veggies. I'm cutting back on drinking if not quiting all together. I'm not a huge drinker but I do love my occasional wine or beer. But there is an association with alcohol and breast cancer, it raises your estrogen levels. And since my cancer is estrogen fed, well why feed it? Diet is a simple thing to do. It's a healthy life style and I'm willing to give it a try!

I pray and hope that 10 years from now, I'll look back at all of this and be amazed. I pray for a miracle. I'm inspired by my mother-in-law and her faith that miracles can and do happen.

Please, keep me in your prayers this week...My oncologist is adding a new chemo drug to my treatment in addition to the Taxol. I don't know all the details yet...so I'll post on Thursday. But hopefully the side effects won't be too bad. I'm already feeling the side effects from the Taxol. My toes have numbness, it's really weird. I've read about "chemo" brain and didn't really buy into it. But let me tell you...I have chemo brain. I forget everything. The other day I couldn't remember the word laundry, but maybe that's b/c I have piles of it and don't want to remember. I also have been really off balance, almost to the point of falling over. It's odd!

Well, I have to go to bed...I'm sooooooooooooo tired!!
Lots of Love!

I have more pictures to post...tune in on Thursday...can't find camera right now!

2007-09-13T05:27:00.000-04:00

Ella loved school! When I went to drop her off she said "bye Mom, see you tomorrow!" She can't wait to go back! I of course missed her and couldn't wait to go back to get her!

I just wanted you all to know that I feel great! Other than being tried, I feel pretty healthy! Right now...I'm going to take more time to rest. When the kids nap..I'm going to nap and Alex and I are taking turns for the middle of the night feedings. My arm is getting better every day! My range of motion is getting better and I'm going to physical therapy. I have want might be "cording" in my ligaments maybe. I can't extend my arm all the way out. So, I'm actually going to get a 2nd opinion at Fairfax Hospital hopefully next week. My blood cuts have been great...last week almost perfect. I have chemo again today! Looking forward to taking a nap while I'm there! I'll let you know how I feel later!

Take care...

Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much!

Cancer really makes you value the little things...the things we usually take for granted!

2007-09-12T00:28:00.000-04:00

I have really learned what matters the most over the past few months. Take the time to smell the roses. Take that vacation you always wanted. Spend time with your family, call that long lost friend. Be kind to others. Relax!

Express yourself...Hug your children, husband, wife, mother, father, siblings, friends. Tell your family that you love them. Tell your friends that you love them. Don't be afraid, don't hold back!

Don't take your health for granted! Eat right, exercise daily! Go to the doctors if you feel that something is wrong. Be your own advocate, be persistent. Get 2nd opinions! Don't make the same mistakes that I did, pay attention to your gut! Don't ignore classic symptoms of well know diseases.

Sometimes...I just wish I could go back in time. I would have been more persistent to have a mammogram or biopsy done. Maybe I could have caught the cancer early, at an earlier stage, less aggressive. Maybe I wouldn't be in this predicament that I am now. But everything happens for a reason, I guess. If I had caught it earlier maybe my precious baby wouldn't be here.

It's so unfair! I pray everyday and night that God heals me! That by some miracle...I make it through this. I can't die now...I have children to raise. I don't know what I would have done or who I would be today if I didn't have my mother there for me! She is my best friend. She has been there for me through everything. She's my "Pollyanna"!

I have a wonderful husband that I adore, we have plans. I haven't had enough of our love story. He needs me. My family needs me!

I'm still staying positive! I fill my head with positive thoughts all day, every minute. I'm allowed to have bad moments. It's healthy to cry and release!

It's just the thought of leaving my babies that stabs me in the heart. It gets me every time, Ella says she loves me! My beautiful Ella, adorable Pierce, and sweet Ryder. How do you tell a child that mommy is not coming back? Well, I'm not going to let that happen! I can't! I will beat this cancer! I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening! I will beat this! I'm otherwise healthy and strong! There's no reason to believe that the cancer will come back! The best medical care, positive thinking and good attitude. That's what I need. Plus, I'm changing my diet. I'm going to do anything and everything to help my body fight against cancer!

Thank you for all your love, support and prayers! My wonderful family, friends, and even people that I have never even met....I can't thank you enough! I'm so grateful for your generosity and kindness!

Much Love,
Jual

Who knew...I had a twin!

2007-09-10T05:22:00.001-04:00

And we're only 7 years apart! I had to take a picture of me and my brother, we look so much a like especially with the same hair style! I love you Shawn!

2007-09-10T05:13:00.000-04:00

Pierce has become very curious about his baby brother! So far seems very loving and interested in Ryder...hopefully this will continue as they get older! I want them to be close and to take care of each other. Looks like Pierce is already in that mode, looking out for his baby brother!

Ella starts preschool on Tuesday! She is very excited! I'm excited for her b/c I know she'll enjoy school but I'm miss her so much when she is at school! We will post pictures later this week!

It's 3am..again!

2007-09-05T03:34:00.000-04:00

I'm fine...just can't sleep!

I've been practicing positive thinking this past week. I keep telling myself over and over that I'm an individual, it doesn't matter that I'm stage IIIB, it doesn't matter how aggressive my particular cancer is, the statistics don't apply to me. None of that applies to me...I'm not putting labels or staging my cancer. I'm not going to listen to non-sense. I'm different, my cancer is gone! I'm zapping my body with all the right drugs and with radiation! I will do what ever it takes and I'm going to beat this! I will overcome this battle! Improvise, adapt, and overcome! (right, ls crew!) I can apply that to cancer. Why, not?

Thank you for all your inspirational words, I really do pull strength from your comments and emails! Thank you for your rally of support and prayers! It means so much to me! Let's hope God hears our prayers!

Much Love....

Thanks, Courtney for the picture!

It's 3am...I must be...

2007-08-30T03:16:00.000-04:00

I'm getting more comfortable with not wearing scarves...now that a little hair has grown back!

I must be delirious!

I need musical notes, I was getting ready to write and looked at the clock, it's 3am...and matchbox 20 popped into my head.

Chemo tomorrow...took my steroids and can't sleep, extremely tired! 3 kids, treatment, surgery, postpartum, and nightly feedings...I don't know why I'm so tired?

I met with a fabulous radiation oncologist today....have decided that I want to see her for my radiation therapy at Reston Hospital...just now need to line up childcare for this. I have to do radiation every day, M-F for 7 weeks, it's going to be tough but we will get through it!

I try to stay positive and pray. But the fear is always there...I hate it! All the what if's run through my head and it just breaks my heart. Cancer is tough but I have to remain strong, I am tougher. I can beat this! I can be one of those women who live 20, 30, 40 years after cancer, right? Why not?

My arm is still very sore from surgery and because of this for the first time since I was diagnosed, I feel "sick". I feel like a cancer patient. The physical reminder that I'm going though the fight for my life.

I feel bad because my family and friends have been so worried about me. I feel bad for the tremendous amount of stress that this has placed on my family! I feel bad b/c my family's lives have been turned upside down. My poor husband! (Oh by the way, who happens to be the most amazing, wonderful man ever!) He's picking up the slack around the house and now back at work. My mom and sisters missing work, Alex missing work, my kids routine disrupted, my in laws traveling back and forth. It's just all too much! It makes me so angry....why, why, why!!! Why are we being put through the ringer. What did I do wrong? What causes cancer?

Do people think I'm going to die...am I? I want to see my kids grow up! I want to grow old with my husband. I want to see Sara get married! I have plans, I have dreams...I'm not going to let this cancer stop me! I can't...I ask God everyday for healing, a cure. But is this too much to ask? What if it's not his plan? All my life I couldn't wait to be a mom...now I have 3 beautiful children...that I absolutely adore and my life is threaten. I could be taken away from them, ripped away from my babies! And then my husband would be left with the burden of having to raise 3 kids by himself. We are such a good team together...we need to be together! I love him so much...I've only had a few years with him...it not nearly enough! I want to have a 50th wedding anniversary!

Everything in my life is great...I'm so happy except for cancer! Cancer has invaded my life and it's horrible! My new normal is having to go to doctor appts. after doctor appts. I just want to spend as much time with my kids as possible and live a long healthy life. It's funny that the very thing that is saving my life (treatment) is also taking me away from my kids 2 to 3 times a week. I switched my chemo day to Thursday b/c Ella will be in preschool on Thursdays...I'm going to go to chemo and come back before she gets home so that it's one less day that I'm away from her.

The constant struggle of traveling to doctors, scheduling babysitters, trying to be normal, keeping up with my lia sophia business, and dealing emotionally. It's catching up but like I said sadly it's becoming the "new normal" and even though it's crazy it's the very thing that keeps me going! I just continue to do the things that I love...being a mom, spending time with my family, doing lia sophia, snuggling with Riley, and spending time with friends. This is my alternative medicine...being me!

Well, I'm babbling on and on....need to try to go back to sleep before Ryder wakes up again!

Thanks for reading...aka listening! Take Care!

:-)

My Boys!

2007-08-24T13:51:00.000-04:00

Ryder went for a weight check this morning...he weighs....5lbs. 13oz.!!

Way to go, Ryder!

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-23T15:43:00.000-04:00

My scan were "beautiful"! No signs of metastatic disease. Bones, lungs, kidneys, liver, gallbladder all clear!!!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy and relieved. I was sitting in my chemo chair when she gave me the news...if I could I would have jumped up and down with joy!!! My sister, Sara was with me we just hugged and cried tears of joy!

Thanks for all your prayers, they seem to be working for me!

Praise the Lord!!!

Chemo went well...no signs of allergic reaction, no nausea...just a little tired! Also, some more good news. I only have to do this chemo for 8 weeks instead of 12...my doctor is bumping up my dosage a little each time to cut the duration down a little bit! SWEET!

Scans Done...

2007-08-22T15:29:00.000-04:00

Well, I survived the scary scans. They were not as bad as I thought. Now we just wait to find out the results. I'm "radioactive" so I'm at my parents house spending the night! I can't be around the kids for 24 hours. I miss my babies!!!

Chemo tomorrow....hopefully it won't be too bad!

I'll let you know!

2007-08-20T20:35:00.000-04:00

Ryder went to the pediatrician today for his 1st check-up! The doctor said he looks great and he weighs 5lbs. 6oz.! Good job, Ryder!

I'm feeling better! I met with my oncologist this afternoon and I asked a lot of questions. She seems pleased with where we are right now. Which I take comfort in b/c she usually makes me nervous! The 10 + nodes were in the actual surrounding breast tissue ( I guess the first layer) and then there was an another specimen taken from under the arm...3 nodes, all negative! So now knowing this...I feel better. I thought all 10 + nodes were from under my arm area. This still tells us that the cancer was very aggressive, having a score of 7 out of 9. (9 being the worst obviously). A score based on characteristics of the cancer cells. So we will continue to be aggressive in my treatment!

I start chemo back up this Thursday morning! I will go once a week for 12 weeks. Ouch! But I'm ready to continue the fight!! Why waste any time?!?!

I have so many wonderful gifts in my life and I thank the Lord everyday for them! Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful! I really appreciate it!

Welcome Home Ryder!

2007-08-17T20:01:00.000-04:00

Ryder is home with his family!! I'm so pleased that our baby is finally home! Now we can start a new chapter in our lives! I can focus on my 3 little birds! They really help me to stay strong and positive! They make me smile even when I'm crying...that's pretty powerful!

Thank you so much for all your kind words! I'm feeling better today...I guess I just needed to get over the shock! I really went in there thinking everything would be fine, I had high hopes! I got on the Internet last night and read some message boards like Young Survivors, BreastCancer.org, etc. Reading these message boards helped calm my fears! There are so many courageous women out there fighting this same battle! I'm not alone and I have so many wonderful people pulling for me and my family!

I have my CAT and Bone scans next Wednesday, I can't wait any longer. I need to know! I meet with my oncologist on Monday to determine the next chemo treatment and I meet with the radiation oncologist the following Monday.

Thank you again for all the kind words and inspirations!

2007-08-16T18:11:00.000-04:00

Please keep us in your prayers! It was not a good day and I really don't know how much more I can take! Ryder did not come home today which was a real let down. Then I got what I think is the worst news I could have gotten from my pathology report! I went in there hoping to have clear margins and no lymph node involvement. My "hope" is almost gone! There were clear margins except for in the upper right corner. 14 lymph nodes taken and 10 tested positive with cancer. That was really hard to hear! I have to go a get an opinion of a radiation oncologist to see if she thinks we need to go back in a take some more tissue or just do radiation! I'm losing hope! I usually try to find something good in any situation but right now I can't find the good!

2007-08-15T14:02:00.000-04:00

Ryder might be coming home tomorrow...we will keep you posted! Please keep your fingers crossed! I also have an appt. with my surgeon and should be getting the pathology reports back, hopefully good news!!!

Ella got to meet her "Baby Ryder" yesterday. The first thing she said was look at his tiny elbow! Then she got to hold him! I think I love him, she tells us!

Thank you for all your good thoughts, prayers, love and support! We love you!!

Update on Ryder!

2007-08-14T07:10:00.000-04:00

We went to go see Ryder last night! He is doing very well and looks better every day! He now is taking a bottle of 40cc of formula (which is a little over an ounce) every 3 hours. I was there on Sunday to give him is very first bottle! I'm so happy!! He is off all tubes and IVs. He's just on the monitor, this measures heart rate, oxygen level, and breaths per minute. He is going through a 48 hours test to see if he needs to come home with the monitor. I don't think that he will need to but it's just precautionary! After this test there are just a few more tests that they will need to do to determine if he's ready to come home. (1) They will check his bilirubin levels again and (2) The car seat challenge...They will feed him and then place him in the car seat and monitor him for an hour. They will be checking to see how well he handles being in the car seat as far as breathing, heart rate, and oxygen levels.

He's a very sweet baby...he hardly ever cries and looks so content even though he's going through so much! He likes to sleep in my arms and I can not wait to get him home and spoil him! He needs more love and touch. Every time I talk to him about Ella and Pierce he perks up! The joys of new baby...it's so wonderful! Ryder along with Ella and Pierce will be a good focus for me, a source of love, a will to fight! They ARE my 3 little birds!!!

Uncle Ray...Ryder likes his Villanova outfit! :-)

I'm Home!!

2007-08-11T20:34:00.000-04:00

I'm so happy to be home and feeling good! I'm very pleased that I'm in little pain. I have this wonderful little fanny pack that I carry around that is a constant local anesthetic. It's my new best friend!! I missed my children, my dog, and my bed! I'm still very weak...I keep forgetting b/c I feel so good that I have to take it easy. I get very tired and shaky after awhile and need to lay down. Baby steps...but on the road to recovery!!

Ryder is getting stronger everyday. I just called to check on him and he has been transferred next door to the "less critical" nursery. He likes his feedings which is only 20cc every 3 hours, that's less than an ounce but he likes it. He was under the bilirubin lights today when we went to visit due to his jaundice but will be taken off at 11pm tonight. Hopefully we will be home sometime next week. We can't wait to bring him home!

It was very strange to leave the hospital without him. The closer we got to home, I was so excited to see Ella and Pierce but it was just further and further away from my little baby. We live about an 45 minutes to an hour away from the hospital and I felt so bad leaving him there all alone. Well, he's not really alone...he is being well taken care of and all the nurse think he's cute so he's good! :-)

Thank you all so much for all the prayers, love, and support. Alex and I would not be so "put together" without our family and friends! Again, the words thank you can not even to begin to describe how thankful we really are. We love you and we are very blessed to have such wonderful friends and family!

Jual's Surgery

2007-08-09T08:08:00.001-04:00

OK - I'm going to make this quick, but I wanted to provide an update to those who haven't heard yet. Jual went in for surgery yesterday around 2:00pm. The doctor said it could take as much as 3.5 hours, but around 4:30, she came to the waiting room, where she found me sleeping with an ESPN magazine half covering my face. Way to play the role of the concerned husband, Alex.

After the Jual Harman entourage was finally gathered, the doctor told us that the surgery went well. After that, I pretty much ignored everything that she said. But here's what I remember Jual's mom telling Jual later. She was able to save most of the skin, which will make it easier for reconstruction later. She does not believe there was any spreading. The cancer had not spread into the chest muscle. Here are the unknowns that will be determined after she gets the pathologist report in a week or so. The margins (which is a more clear determinant for spreading), the size of the tumor, and the number of lymph nodes that the doctor removed.

The doctor was very pleased to more pleased that she expected on the pleased scale. She definitely earned her paycheck yesterday (Jual was her third surgery of the day).

I stayed with Jual in the hospital last night. She's doing remarkably well. She could have come home today (Thursday), but will stay one more night until Friday. She has some discomfort and very little pain.

Ryder is getting better every day. He is relying less on the oxygen, and will be taken off the CPAC today, which is the oxygen clips in his nose. He will be hooked up to something called a high-flow canulus to help him breathe, and once he adjusts to that, that will start feeding him through a bottle. His weight, vitals, test results are all outstanding, so we're still anticipating a Monday/Tuesday trip home.

All for now. Will provide another update tomorrow.

Alex

Ryder Byron Harman is HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-06T22:06:00.000-04:00

It is with great pleasure that I announce the arrival of Ryder Byron Harman to the world.

While it was both a miraculous and incredible experience, it was not without some bumps in the road.

We checked into Georgetown University Hospital on Sunday Aug. 5 at 7pm. Jual and I both thought this was going to be a wham-bam lickity-split delivery, largely based on Pierce’s delivery, which was less than 4 hours. Boy, were we wrong.

After the initial processing, Jual finally received the induction drugs around 10:30pm. She was only 1 cm dilated, but we hoped that the drugs would kick in very soon and get the party started quickly. She did not respond as quickly to the petocin. Around 6am, Monday morning, the doctors broke her water. At around 8am, her treating OB (Dr. Landi) came in and joined the fray. She immediately had concerns about the baby’s heart rate, which had been fluctuating wildly since Jual’s water was broken, but we thought all along it was because they did not have the sensors in the right place. Dr. Landi brought in the entire cast from Grey’s Anatomy and ER and before we knew it, there were about 10 doctors/residents/med students in the room. They had her switch sides, put her on different drugs, took her off some drugs, change sensors, change sensors again, and perform a 30 minute pilates routine before they finally got the baby’s heart rate stabilized. We later found out it was due to the umbilical cord wrapped around Ryder’s neck.

At around 10:15am, order was restored, and Jual began pushing, which lasted 15 minutes, and at 10:30am, Ryder was born. You could tell he was upset. After the nurses unwrapped the umbilical cord from his neck, he promptly peed on a nurse and a med student. "Take that, Georgetown doctors", was the expression on his face. Ryder was crying and moving about which was a very good sign.

After a brief moment with mom, the doctors whisked Ryder away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). It is customary, and may be mandatory, that all premature babies spend time in NICU. The length of time depends on how developed the baby is, how he is breathing, whether or not he eats, etc. We found out a short time later that Ryder was having a little difficulty breathing. It is not uncommon this occurs in premature babies (Ryder was 35.5 weeks…Georgetown takes any baby less than 36 weeks into NICU).

After Jual got something to eat and cleaned up, she packed her bags to go to her recovery room, which is two floors below the labor and delivery unit. On our way to recovery, we stopped by NICU to see Ryder. This is another one of those things that I hope no one ever has to experience. The NICU is a room of babies in incubators. For me, it was extremely difficult to see him in this condition. He had oxygen going into his nose, a tube in his mouth so the oxygen could escape, and an IV in his stomach. This is never a site you want to remember as your first one of your baby, even if it is all precautionary. We spent a few minutes with Ryder and away we went to recovery.

A few hours later, after I went home, and left Jual to fend for herself, Jual called me and said his oxygen/blood ratio was not where it should be, and had actually decreased since his initial test. The doctors said they would have to perform a spinal tap to rule out several things, one of them being meningitis. As another precautionary, he was started on an antibiotic. The tests for meningitis will be known in 3 days, and in the mean time, he will continue on the antibiotic. As of Monday night, Jual had been back to see him several times, and said he looked good. One time he was awake and had his eyes open. The nurses said he was a feisty sucker (that’s my boy!!) and had pulled his IVs out a couple times. He, like I, is probably sick as hell of doctors, medicine, monitors, taupe, stale hallways, and ugly nurses (sorry for the ill-timed jokes…I haven’t slept in 36 hours).

So that’s where we stand right now, as of Monday night. In my haste to leave the hospital, I left the camera with Jual. So when I return tomorrow, I will make sure to get the camera, and post pictures tomorrow afternoon.

Please continue to keep Jual and Ryder in your thoughts and prayers. Ryder has come a long way and is not about to stop fighting now. He will remain in NICU for probably a week. Jual’s surgery is still scheduled for Wednesday at 2pm.

2007-08-03T05:38:00.000-04:00

What a beautiful site! We saw a rainbow last weekend as we sat on our front porch and had a picnic dinner with the kids. I've been asking for a sign to let me know that I will be okay. Is this is? Maybe! I have to believe that this is a sign because I have to believe that everything will be okay! That I'm going to be okay!

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm getting nervous. I'm definitely not nervous about having my beautiful baby boy! I love delivery, it's such an exciting event after a long 9 (in this case 8) months! Surgery, I'm a little nervous I guess, but mostly about the results of the pathology report and recovery. As for surgery itself...I'm ready! I'm ready for all the cancer cells to be removed my body!

The thing that I'm really nervous about is the CAT and bone scan. Since we've had to wait so long for these tests, it's just been weighing on my mind! We really have no reason to believe that the cancer has spread but because Inflammatory Breast Cancer is such an aggressive form of cancer it just worries me. I just hope and pray that for the best case scenario, clear margins and cancer free through out my body!

Thank you for all your love, support and prayers! It really means a lot to me and Alex! We would not be able to be so strong if it wasn't for our family and friends! We love you!!

One more week....

2007-07-30T22:27:00.000-04:00

Well, this time next week our beautiful baby boy will be here! I'm so excited and can't wait to see him and hold him! I'm focusing on the fact that I'm having a baby! He's going to be great!! He's estimated right now to be 5lbs. 4oz. He has one more week to gain a few more ounces. Hopefully, he'll be closer to 6lbs. but I just want to be healthy and strong!! I'm very curious to see if he has more hair then me! If he's anything like his brother, he will have a full head of hair! As soon as we can we will post he's stats and a picture!!

The plan is...I'm going into the hospital Sunday night at 7pm, they are going to start the induction that evening. So most likely he'll be born before morning. My labor with Pierce was only 4 hours, from the time they gave me the potocin to the time he was delivered! I'm hoping this delivery will be just as easy! Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday at 2pm, so I get to spend a few days with the sweet baby!

I feel fine, just really, really tired! I'm just going to take it easy this week and rest. I want to spend time with Ella and Pierce. Ella is having a lot of separation anxiety with me lately. I just hope that next week she'll be okay with Grandma! But I will be gone from Sunday until at least Friday, this will be the longest that I have ever been away from my babies!! I'm going to miss them so much!!!

While I'm at the hospital, I will get a full body CAT scan and a full body bone scan. This is standard staging procedures that they haven't been able to do because of the pregnancy. This will let us know if the cancer has or hasn't spread to other parts of my body! I hope and pray everyday that it hasn't spread. I pray that it has been contained the breast and they get clear margins during surgery!

Well, it late...I need to get some sleep! I hope everyone has a great week! Take care!

It's been awhile...

2007-07-21T06:00:00.000-04:00

This week has been so busy! I'm ready for another vacation (HA) but that's not going to happen anytime soon! :-)

I had chemo on Wednesday and everything went well. My friend Michelle went with me and we did some scrapbooking! Hey..I'm there for four hours...so why not make it into "treat"ment time! We got a lot done and time went by really fast! I felt fine..just tired. Every time treatment really is a little different. Thank you, Michelle for going with me!

This was my last treatment before baby and surgery. The next 2 steps will be the kickers but I have lots of help lined up! I will try to keep you posted as much as possible, if not then I'll have Alex post an update!

I have a some good news that doesn't pertain to me...but want to share it! My wonderful husband just got a promotion at work! He is very happy and I'm very excited for him! He has been working so hard and deserves the recognition!!

Pierce is finally walking! He walks everywhere and is doing pretty good! He is so cute and so proud of himself! He walks around with a huge smile on his face!

Ella is about 98% potty trained. She's only had 2 accidents since we got back from the beach! This is very exciting for Mommy and Daddy, maybe we can stop buying pull-ups soon and only have to buy 2 sets of diapers! Mommy is also happy b/c she starts preschool in the fall and HAS to be potty trained! She is very excited about her baby brother coming, she asks me everyday!

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers...I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me!

Here's the Deal!

2007-07-13T07:52:00.000-04:00

I met with my surgeon yesterday and here is the plan! I have one more round of chemo next week, July 18. I have to wait 3 weeks after chemo to have surgery, I will go into the hospital (Georgetown Hospital) on Aug. 6 and be induced at 35 1/2 weeks. I'll get to spend 2 precious days with my newborn before I'm taken to surgery on Aug. 8. The baby will most likely be in the NICU for a few days maybe even a week just in case. Hopefully everything will go okay with me and the baby will be fine and we can both go home together Friday, Aug. 10! That would be best case scenario. All of the doctors that I have met with, the high-risk OB, the neonatologist (who knows how to spell this things), and my surgeon have all been so nice and accommodating. They will be taking very good care of me and baby!

After surgery, I will start chemotherapy again within a few weeks, a different type (Taxol) one that is not known to be safe during pregnancy that is why I will be doing this after delivery. This will probably be once a week for a few months. I then plan on doing radiation, this will be everyday for about a month. Hopefully this we be the end of my treatment but I guess we really won't know that until we come to that bridge. I will be taking tamoxifen, a hormone therapy for 5 years following treatment as a preventative method.

Needless to say, I have a long road ahead of me still. I'm just looking at it as a small price to pay for my health!

I really appreciate all the love and support! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Please keep me and the baby in your prayers, as I will keep you in mine!

2007-07-08T16:33:00.001-04:00

Well, we are back from the beach! I miss it already but I feel great, renewed! I'm ready to fight and conquer all! I will make it a point to back again sometime in the fall before it gets too cold to help again with the healing process! I'm so refreshed and rested, I really needed a vacation!!

The kids loved the beach. Ella had a blast playing with her cousins, splashing in the water, looking for pirates, and making sand castles. Pierce had no fear...he would crawl right into the water. He didn't mind the sand, just moved right along despite getting all sandy! He liked to sit in his Nemo chair and snack all day! He also liked playing with the sea shells. Alex got some good guitar time in and he got to go see the new Die Hard movie.

We had a great time with the whole Vorce clan, very nice to spend time with family! We had a photographer come and take family pictures on the beach. I can't wait to see them! This the first time we have all taken a picture together! It was my idea..I'm so brillant!!! :-)

2007-07-05T08:58:00.000-04:00

I hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th of July! We had a blast...Ella and Pierce loved the fireworks! I feel great...I've had many moments that I don't think about cancer and all that I have to go through over the next few months. The weather has been great! I hope to come back maybe in the fall. This has been a great healing experience for me. I'm spending time with my family, reading, playing with the kids, and sitting on the beach, there is no where else that I rather be! Take care!

2007-07-01T07:03:00.000-04:00

Hello,

I met with the high risk OB on Friday, I will be transferring my baby care to Georgetown as well. I will go in a few days before surgery and they will induce labor, probably between 35 and 36 weeks and we will try natural childbirth...well with super drugs if needed!! Ha Ha! I'm happy about that...didn't want to heal from 2 major surgeries. I think it's kinda neat that all my babies will be born at different hospitals. We are looking at the first week in August right now..but that will be confirmed on July 12 after I meet with my surgeon!

I'm at the beach for the next week, one of my most favorites places in this world. I'm looking forward to some relaxation and fun! Just the smell of the ocean air has already lifted my spirits!

2007-06-29T04:31:00.000-04:00

Thanks, Uncle Ray! That prayer has become one of my favorites..I've been praying everyday! I do find comfort in knowing that whatever happens, God will take care of everything.

I've always like the phrase, "Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much"...it's so true. I like the idea and I've always tired to do this. Now, I want to do this even more. I'm going to live as well as I can, I still laugh..I always try to find humor in any situation, even if it's just a coping mechanism sometimes, and I will love more than I ever have before. So, if I tell you more or hug you more just bare with me. I look at all the gifts in my life and think why in the world did I ever complain about anything. I have so many wonderful "things" and not to mention the most wonderful friends and family. I've decided that I'm going to try to not complain so much, you know don't sweat the small stuff. Another thing that I've decided to do is release negative energy, what ever it maybe, I don't need it now.

Well, I have an appt. this morning at Georgetown with a high risk OB, just to check in and get her opinion on options. I will let you know what she has to say!

2007-06-28T17:37:00.001-04:00

Warning, please don't read this blog if you are sensitive to the "dark side" of things....

You know, being diagnosed with cancer really sucks to say the least. My emotions are like a scary roller coaster, up and down. I try so hard to stay positive and strong but sometimes the fear takes the best of me. They give me a lot of steroids before and after chemo and I feel very agitated, tired but can't sleep, and these are the times that I feel down. I know I had a good day yesterday, but here comes a bad day or two. I feel like my sense of security has been stolen from me, for the rest of my life I will fear this cancer. Even after many people are confirmed cancer free, there is still no guarantee that it will not come back. I never imagined that at 30 years old I would have to think about my death. I feel like my children are in jeopardy of losing their mother and it breaks my heart! But all I can do now is fight with every thing that I have in my heart, mind, and good parts of my body and have faith that everything will be alright (words from Bob Marley, 3 little birds, my new theme song). :-)

Thank you for all your kind words, gestures, thoughts, emails, meals, and help! It really means the world to me and I find strength in your love and support. I know now that I have to live everyday to it's fullest and cherish every moment.

2007-06-27T20:13:00.000-04:00

Well, another round of chemo under my belt! It went well...I feel just fine. I'm a little tired and thirsty but other than that everything is so far so good! My oncologist said today she "felt" better seeing me today then she did the last time. She spoke with my surgeon and said my surgeon sounded "optimistic". My tumor count has gone down...she didn't give me numbers but said it was heading in the right direction. She took my tumor count again today and we will see where that is soon. My blood counts are good and have been which is a relief! So, I would say today was a good day...another small victory in this battle! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Please keep me in them and I will keep you in mine!

Amazing!

2007-06-26T20:32:00.000-04:00

I am blessed with the most amazing people in my life! I could not ask for anything more. Here is a picture of the Y-Me Breast Cancer walk that we participated in on Mother's Day 2007. This was 1 month after I was diagnosed and over 70 friends and family members showed up to walk. We raised over $8700 towards breast cancer research and support for women who are fighting this scary disease.The love and support that I have gotten is truly amazing. The words "thank you" can not even begin to express my appreciation and gratitude! Thank you so much!

Chemo Tomorrow

2007-06-26T09:44:00.000-04:00

Well, I have my 4th round of chemo tomorrow afternoon. I hope all goes well...last round I felt a little fluish that evening. I'm just going to take it easy and sleep it off! I meet with my surgeon on July 12 to re-evaluate the situation. The plan for now is to have at least 1 to 2 more rounds of chemo so that we can get the baby to at least 35 weeks. We will then deliver and have surgery within a very close time frame! I'll have more details on July 12! Have a great day!!

2007-06-25T20:44:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone!

I thought this would be a great way to keep everyone informed about my health and I can also show off my beautiful babies, wonderful husband, sweet dog, and awesome family and friends!

Yesterday, we celebrated my 30th birthday! It was a fantastic surprise party! I had so much fun! Thank you to all who came out, it really means a lot! I was going to postpone the whole birthday celebration until next year...but yesterday was fun! :-) Thanks!