Stage IV

I have stage 4 breast cancer. The goal of treatment will be to get my disease to become NED (no evidence of disease), which is the best case scenario or to at least stay stable. But Stage IV breast cancer is still considered to be terminal and incurable. How do I live my life under this dark cloud and continue to raise my 3 beautiful children and still laugh and plan and be a wife and work, and be a useful member of society? I don't know, but this is my goal.


My doctor seems very optimistic that we can get "years" out of a long list of treatments. We will try one until it doesn't work anymore (since at some point your body builds up a resistance to it) and then we will try another and another and another. She says she is in it for the long haul with me. She even got teary eyed when she said this to me. I truly believe she is doing all that she can and if she can't help me, I know she will lead me in the right direction of someone who can. She is very good oncologist that came to me highly recommended and almost everyone that I have come into contact with through cancer, goes to her as well. So at this point, I'm not seeking a second opinion.


I'm very fortunate in the fact that right now, I have "small volume" disease. It's in a very tiny spot on my sternum and that's it. It hasn't progressed in several months and there's no evidence of it any where else in my body. My tumor markers are very low, even lower then they were when we checked them in November. If everything stays like this, we should be able to manage the disease very well and for a long time.


Yes, I'm in shock and I'm scared. I'm angry! I'm numb! I have so many emotions to sort through right now. I need to learn how to move past this death sentence and try to live. That doesn't even make sense to me but somehow I have to do it. I want to live the best life I can. I want to be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, niece, aunt, and friend. I don't want to be treated any different, I'm still me! You don't have to say your sorry or try to make me feel better. I'm sorry that my family and friends have to deal with this as well. It's hard for all of us but together we can manage.


I need to keep my faith. My faith that every thing happens for a reason and that God is here with me. It's really hard for me right now not to give up on this concept. At the same time I want to cling to it more. I need a miracle!

The plan now is that I continue with the zometa to help protect the bones. I'll have a infusion every month. Also every month I will be getting a shot of lupron with the goal of shutting down my ovaries. This will stop the production of estrogen and cut off the "food" supply to the cancer. Without the estrogen, we hope that the cancer cells become dormant. I will also be taking another hormone therapy drug orally everyday. Cross your fingers, pray, do a little dance....whatever it is that you do, please do it at least once for me!! I would so deeply appreciate it and I thank you with all my heart!