It's been awhile....

Well, here we are in 2012! A year that has so much potential to be a really good, no great year! I have a trip planned to Punta Cana with my husband in the spring and I'm the maid of honor in 2 very special weddings. Sadly, the first 10 days haven't been good at all...

1. One of my New Year's resolutions, to try to have more authentic relationships has proven to back fire on me. 3 people popped into mind right away for me to start my quest of being more real. Turns out 2 of them didn't care too much about my authenticity. My thought behind this resolution was to be more open, honest, and true. And by doing this I hoped to strengthen my relationships. Well, with the first 2 people, I'm not so sure they liked what I had to say. Oh well, I said what I said out of love and concern and at least I was honest. I don't want to sit back and ignore things anymore or pretend that everything is ok. The 3rd person that came to mind, well I still haven't found the courage to be honest. We'll have to see how that one goes. I guess, I haven't decided yet if I care enough to go forward or do I just keep putting the band-aid over the issue. The first try didn't go so well, so maybe honestly isn't always the best policy. I have to put more thought into this New Year’s resolution.

2. Chemo is kicking my butt! I feel sick ALL the time and I'm tired of it! I keep spiking high fevers, dealing with unbearable nausea, headaches and just feeling blah! I believe I had a panic attack 2 days ago and last night I was in the ER because of my high fever. I followed up with my doctor today. The good news is that my tumor markers are going down! This means the chemo is working but the bad news is she wants me to continue this regimen. She suggested I start taking a steroid to help counter act some of the nasty side effects. The problem is, I don't want to take a steroid. To be honest, I fear that I will blow up like the marshmallow man and just look ridiculous in my bridesmaid dresses. I know this is vain but hey I don't care. I want to look good! Look good, feel good, right? Well, I caved today and took 1 pill. :-( I'm so mad because besides my vanity...I don't sleep on steroids. Hence, that fact that it's 2 am and I'm blogging. UGH!!!! I value my sleep! Oh and by the way...I still feel like crap. I'm going to give the steroids a fair shot but I'm thinking right now I much rather sleep off the nausea and look good in my dresses. LOL!

Well, now that I got that off my chest! Tomorrow is a new day! 2012 WILL be a great year!

Hugs,
Jual

Race for the Cure....

This Saturday, I will be running in my first Komen Global Race for the Cure! I'm actually very excited about it! I've been training for it for awhile now and for the first time in my entire life, I feel good about my running ability! (That's ironic!) Can't wait to post the results!

About a month ago, Andrea Roane of channel 9 news (Washington DC) came out to my house and interviewed me. Andrea Roane is the spokesperson for Buddy Check 9 and is very passionate about awareness and early detection. Andrea has been covering breast cancer stories for over 15 years and she does a lot of coverage on the Race for the Cure. I'm so thankful that she gave me the opportunity to share my story!

People may or may not know this about me but I'm very shy!!! When I was young, I was painfully shy. I've come out of my cocoon a little bit as I've gotten older. Sometimes I fear that others might perceive me as maybe unfriendly or stuck up. But that is not the case at all, I'm just too scared to talk! lol! No, really I do not like to draw attention to myself. I would be perfectly content to be the wallflower at every social event! I like being quiet. To say the least after the interview, I was sick to my stomach with nerves for weeks!!! You know the butterfly feeling, well it lasted for weeks! I really wanted to crawl into a hole and hide! I didn't even tell a whole lot of people about the interview. But once it aired and some people I knew saw it, I knew I had to overcome my fears and share the piece! Well, I didn't have the choice not to share it, it was on TV...ha ha! But I was thinking that I could get by with out anybody I know seeing it. Well, I posted it on Facebook! You know sometimes it's either all or nothing. Nothing wasn't an option so why not spread it like wild fire! ;-)

Why do I get so nervous about things? Why am I so shy? I feared silly things like what did I look like, was my house presentable, did I speak properly, were the kids going to behave, the list goes on and on. I'm reminded myself that I am who I am and I can't change that. And besides that, it's really not about me. It's about the bigger picture, to help bring more awareness to this awful disease. I did the piece not to be on TV but in hopes that I would help other women (and men too) to be their own health advocate. I know it sounds so cliche but I also hoped to inspire others to try to maintain a positive outlook no matter what, to make the best of what you do have and not dwell on the stuff that just sucks! It's healthy to acknowledge the stuff the sucks, have a good cry once in awhile but don't let it rob you of the good things.

I don't know how long I will be here on this earth. But I do know that each day is a gift from God and while I'm here I'm going to enjoy every minute of it! I've been put in this circumstance for a reason. A reason that we may never understand but He does. God has a plan! I trust him!


Watch the clip! And thanks for the LOVE and support!
WUSA9.com Washington, DC One Young Mother's Battle Against Breast Cancer

I have so much to say, so much to do.....

Picture taken 4-17-10

3 year survivor and counting....I hope the cancer doesn't stop me......

It's that time a year again, where it marks the anniversary of my diagnosis! So many emotions to deal with. I'm so happy to be alive and well! I thank God for his grace and mercy in my life! I'm sad and still grieving of my life before cancer. I'm celebrating a new life after cancer. I feel accomplished in the the things that I have done over the past 3 years. I'm disappointed in the things that I still haven't done or changed. I'm scared of what the future holds. I'm excited about the future!

I love my children so much! I want to hold and hug them all the time and never let go! But I know that I have too, they need to go to school and have play dates. I get mad at myself when I get frustrated with them. I scream inside my head......"don't be mean to them, you don't want them to hate you when you are gone" and the very next second, "you still have to parent them, that's your job and you're not going to do them any service if you give in or let them do whatever they want, it's your job to be there mother here and now!" Do you see this constant battle in my head. UGH!! I just hope that I am doing a good job.

I think about writing all the time, whether it's here on my blog or in the kid's journals, or in Alex's journal. I need to do it more. I'm want to make that commitment to myself. I want to them to know me. I want them to know that I love them.

~Jual

Snow Much Fun!

Wow! We have had the snow storm of all snow storms. We have had 20+ inches in this area and have been stuck in the house for a week. No school, no work! Boredom has set in but I just have to remind myself that it is truly a blessing!!! How often to do we have the whole family together in one house for a week at a time. Nothing to do, no where to go!! It's great!!!!! So, I'm going to turn my frown upside down and enjoy this time...soon enough we will be back to the daily grind, rushing around from here to there! I'm thankful for the snow!

Challenges and Surprises!

2010 has been a great year so far! I had a follow up PET scan on Dec. 30. It had been 6 months since my last scan. In those six months, I had surgery to remove my ovaries. Well, it seems to be working! My PET scan report is an improvement from the one done in June!! Literally jumping for JOY!!

I started a new adventure. I challenged myself to run a 5K. I'm not a runner! I mean, I can run but never did long distance or got the breathing thing down. Well, my first 5k was a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day. I trained by running a few days a week on my treadmill in my basement. I never ran more than 1.5 miles at a time. So the big day came and I was terrified!!! My only goal was to run the race. I did not want to walk at all! I honestly DID NOT think I was going to be able to run the whole 3.2 miles. The race started, I took it easy. I wanted to try to keep an easy pace. I ran and ran and ran! To my surprise, I ran the entire race and in 32:30 minutes! WOW!! I really was on top of the world! So, I signed up for another race. I continued my training. This next race was on Jan. 3, it was called something like BRATZ FROZEN 5K! And it was freezing, temperature were in the single digits with winds of like 2o mph. It was a very bad idea!!! My goals was to just run it again. Well, I couldn't run the whole thing. The winds were so bad at one point, I started to walk to catch my breath. I walked for about 5 to 10 seconds. A nice young lady ran by me and said, oh you can do it...keep it up! So, I was pushed into running again. I finished the race. In a shocking discovery, I ran the race in 29:36 minutes. I took almost 2 minutes off my previous time! WOW! I'm really proud of myself. Is that ok to say? But despite the accomplishments of my 2 races, I honestly don't think I will continue to run. But never say never...we will see!

New Year's Eve 2009

A moment to reflect! It always strikes me funny that when in the act of making memories, it doesn't alway seem like much. But when I look back at my photos and scrapbooks, I'm in awe of what great times we had! Just another reminder to live in the moment, cherish each day!

A Wonderful Christmas!

We simply had the most wonderful Christmas! All 3 birds are at a great age for all the magic and excitement of Christmas!

We started off the holiday Christmas Eve, we went to Uncle A and Aunt T's house. The Woodstocks (grandparents, new name given to them by medium bird) were there. We had a delicious lunch and opened presents. We had a lovely time! Thanks, Uncle A and Aunt T!

Afterwards we went to church. We went to Uncle A's church, St. Joe's. It had the most beautiful nativity scene that I have ever seen! I really enjoyed listening to the priest talk about the true meaning of the season. To celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ AND to spend quality time with our families! I loved that a priest said this! I love Christmas! It is the season to celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ! I hold that number 1 reason to the highest standards but in that reason we have the number 2 reason to celebrate...Family! Not only did God give us his son but he also gave us family. They both equal LOVE! God loves us!!!

Christmas Eve night went to my Aunt T and Uncle F's house to celebrate with the Egan Clan! This has been a tradition in my family for many years! Some of the best memories of Christmas involve this celebration. There's like 100 of us and we all squish together in one house, there's laughter and hugs, there's old home movies, and there is so much love! I love my family to pieces and thank them for some great times!

We drive home to prepare for Santa Claus! On the way home, the kids look for Santa and Rudolph's nose in the sky! The same exact thing that I use to do as a child. I drive with a smile on my face! I'm so happy to be there in that moment!

We get home, put the cookies and milk out and the reindeer food. Ella writes a note to Santa, which we include a welcome to our house and a thank you! We need to show our gratitude, not just the gimmes. :-) Off to bed they go! I watch the last half hour of 'It's a Wonderful Life' and cry like a baby because it's so true!! Then I'm off to bed but right before, I check the Internet to see where Santa is....YES, I still believe!!!!!!!

I couldn't sleep all night! I was so excited!! Christmas morning is the most magical of all times. Miracles, hope, and joy! All you have to do is believe!

Finally at 6:30 AM, I get up! I make some coffee and read my bible...a little bit of quite Christmas prayer...

"An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a ...sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2:8-12

Finally at 7:30 AM I hear someone up....could it be the kids?!?! No, just Al! He comes down the stairs and we share Merry Christmas, Honey! Then sit in silence for a few. I then jump up and say I'm going to wake them up! Am I the only parent that had to drag their kids out of bed at almost 8 in the morning!?!? What is wrong with these kids, don't they know it's Christmas....that Santa Claus came!?!?

So, every Christmas since princess was born....I walk down the stairs with my little birds in my arms, while Daddy has the video camera. All four of us walk around the corner and then they all run with laughter towards the Christmas Tree! Priceless!!! For the next hour we open presents. We hear....that's what I asked for! Santa was listening! I love this! Wow! What's this, I didn't ask for this? Thank you! I don't want this! The best reaction, I think was from little bird, Ry....when he opened his SLIPPERS!!! (The only thing he asked for this year.) LOL!! So cute!! We caught that on tape!!! Thank goodness!!!

We clean up, have some breakfast and wait for round 2 with The Woodstocks! Then round 3 with Grandma and Grandpa Beach and company!

We had a delicious dinner! And then another favorite part of the day. In my sunroom, gathered with my mom, sisters, and niece! We have some wine and just talk and laugh!! Again, I have smile on my face...just to be in that moment! These are the moments, when all the excitement has calmed down but it's still exciting, the moment when you are so thankful to be alive!

The night comes to an end! I'm sad because we have to wait a whole year to come and go before we can do this all over again. And I have that annoying thought again, will I be here again next year? I quickly suppress it and remember that I will not cry because it's over, I will smile because it happened!!

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!!!

Under Construction...

Pictures to come soon!

My Super Heros!!!

another reminder that I'm living with a deadly disease...

Cancer sucks, every time I get into the ZONE of living my normal life and being happy and content, cancer comes and stomps all over me..............GO AWAY CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, I'm trying not to spiral into a sea of sadness today. I'm just playing with the boys and re-decorating my house! That always makes me happy!!!

Well, I went to the doctors yesterday for my routine treatment. I don't actually see the doctor at these appt. but she has an AM meeting with the nurses and discusses any concerns. The nurse started out by saying that Dr. W wanted to know if I wouldn't mind waiting until Jan to do my follow up scans. The Dr. said she felt comfortable waiting and she didn't want scans to interfere with holidays and such. I said sure no problem, I prefer it that way! She then said to me, that it would all depend of my blood work next month, we still might have to do scans in November. I said why, she said b/c my tumor markers were up last month. They have doubled, 19 to 44. (when I first diagnosed the # was 96, so 44 is pretty high). She then told me not to worry (easier said then done) that a lot could play into the fact that the #'s where up including inflammation, hence I just had surgery and the fact that my treatment that I had been on (the shot and pill) had not been working for the past year, that's why I had surgery in the first place.

So we are waiting until Nov. 19 to redo the blood work, that will give us 2 full months back on the medication and 3 month post surgery, and hopefully then the # will be back to normal.

Until then I will ...

"Pray, hope and don't worry. Trust in the infinite goodness of almighty God."
~St. Pio of Pietcrelcina

Hugs,
Jual

WOW, WOW, WOW!!!!

The walk was simply a remarkable experience!! We had so much fun! The DC walk alone raised over 5.5 million dollars; we are getting closer to a cure!! Just to have been a small part of that is so cool to me! I have already signed up to do it again next year!!!

I was interviewed for an article in our local paper about Jual’s Gems and why we were walking in the 3-Day! I have no idea what I said b/c I was so nervous. I’ll have to wait to read it myself when it’s published. But as I was walking the 60 miles, I thought about that question a lot. I walked for many reasons, but this statement sums it up. I walked for all those affected by cancer and I’m walking for the future. A future of watching my children grow, a future without breast cancer.

I saw a breast cancer license plate 2 days before the walk, it said “MSMYSIS”! I almost broke down in tears. I don’t want that for my sisters, I don’t want them to have to miss me. I need to be here with them and I will do everything I can to make that come true.

I’m walking for my children….don’t you love this picture! This is my friend Becca! The team had been looking for that flag all weekend so we could carry it but never found it. When Becca was picking up her luggage on Sunday after closing ceremonies, she found it! This flag is why I walked…for my 3 little gem birds!

That will be my mission for next year to find that flag! My fighting force is my children and I do all things for them!! We did have the honor of holding and walking with this great flag!

This is my neighbor and dear friend, Michelle walking for her neighbor (that’s me)! :-)

Camping was fun too! That was the only thing that I was worried about, since I had never really been camping before! The sea of pink tents was definitely a sight to see! We were hot the first night, sleeping on top of our sleeping bags and then freezing the second night. We did get rained on the first night but not too bad…we were already in our tents and everything was covered in plastic!! We survived out in the wilderness. We even had a little “campfire”, AKA a lantern!

This was just one small section....there were many many more tents!!!

The 60 mile journey was a roller coaster of emotions. From opening ceremony to the physical challenge of getting up and to keep walking mile after mile, especially toward the end of each day when our feet were sore! We met some very nice and interesting people, heard some sad and happy stories. Sometimes we laughed so hard that even our stomach muscles hurt. We cried and we cried, sometimes for very good reasons and sometimes we didn’t even know why. On Sunday in the holding area, we were all so happy to be reunited with our families. Lots of hugs and kisses!

Once it got closer to closing ceremonies, all of the participants of the walk were separated by crew, walkers, and survivors. The tradition is for the survivors to walk in last as a celebration. The 3 survivors of my team got ready to honored by our family, fellow walkers, and crew.

As we lined up to walk into closing ceremonies, I realized that I along with my friends and fellow survivor sisters, Kathy and Erica would be the first of the survivors to walk into the closing ceremony onto the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in our Nation’s Capital! What an awesome experience!!! All three of us had tears of joy and just release of emotions! I can’t even describe the feeling, it was a goose bump moment!!

Thank you to all of my team members for all of the time, blood, sweat, and tears that went into this commitment of a 3 day, 60 mile walk and the efforts of a $2300 fundraising goal!!

WE DID IT!!!

Looking forward to next year!! Who’s interested?

I'm so excited...

I can't believe the walk is almost here!! I'm very excited but nervous at the same time! I've been running around for the past week getting supplies for the 3 days. I'm packing and mentally preparing myself for this weekend! Everything in my duffel bag is in plastic bags just in case of rain. There is a 40% chance of rain on Saturday, let's all do no rain dance!!! That would just be miserable if it rained on us!! I got my pink gear and some fun accessories for us to decorate our tents and such! I will post pictures and update the blog as soon as I can!! Wish me luck!!

Thanks for all the support!!! Go team!!

One more week......Breast Cancer 3-DAY here we come!!!

From left to right: Sara Vorce, Robyn Burns, Michelle Natysin, Becca Maguire, Jennifer Toussaint, and Lori Kaye.

This is my friend Erica Hutchinson, she is also walking with Jual's Gems and she too is a breast cancer survivor and a true inspiration!

Team Jual's Gems!! I love you!!! Thank you for walking for all those affected by cancer!!!

Foto Friday

Foto Friday....

Blessings....

2007, 2008, 2009 and counting!

I'm so blessed to have 2 years with my little man along for the ride!! Statistics didn't give me 2 years. I believe in miracles! I hope to have many more years with him!!! I love you, Ryder!!

Ryder had dinosaur camp this week with his big brother! They had fun!! In the class was another little boy and his grandmother. Ryder formed a special bond with this woman. Playing with her, trying to scare her with the dinosaurs, holding her hand, waiting for her as we walked outside. Yesterday when we left...they hugged good bye. Ryder gave her a kiss on the chest area. She then informed me that she just had heart surgery and that she was going to be better because of his kiss. She didn't know about my cancer (b/c I like to remain anonymous). It spoke to me as a sign! Maybe he is a little healer, helping save lives. He saved mine!!! He was meant to be born, we all know that!! The little guy was a fighter and survived the not so peaceful womb experience. He is here for a reason!!! I thank God and all the angels watching over us!!!

I can't sleep and what's with PEARs...

It's 12:41 am. I can't sleep! Too many thoughts racing through my head. A lot has been going on lately. I'm recovering from surgery. I feel pretty good, I guess! Still a little sore. I will be happy when this is all said and done! I don't like to feel weak but with each day...I'm feeling better!

Team Jual's Gems had a very successful fundraiser Monday night! That was fun! Thank you to all who came out to support our team and help make a difference in the fight against breast cancer. I truly have the most amazing family and friends! I'm so thankful and so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life! At the same time, I get so overwhelmed. I feel sad and undeserving of such support. Who am I to receive all this love? I'm just a girl who has cancer. Tears....let's move on....

I just hope that my story no matter the outcome makes a difference! If my story helps one person, it all worth it, right?

Life is short...I'm need to stop wasting so much time. I need to love more, laugh more, show more kindness. I just feel like I receive a lot of this and I don't feel as if I give it back! I'm ashamed of myself. I get too busy caught up in silly matters. I want to slow down. I want to give back! I feel as if there is something that I'm suppose to do. I don't know what that is but until I figure it out. I will love and be kind!

So I've become very fond of PEARs lately. Why, well each letter in the word pear represents the first letter in the names of my sweet family. So I found this blog background with the bird and the pear. Perfect for my blog!

Princess Muffins (the E) starts kindergarten in 3 weeks! Another swarm of emotions. I'm excited for her to start school. But I'm sad also! Once she starts school, she will be gone all day! I'm going to miss her so much! These are the last 3 weeks I will get to spend with her as a "toddler" if that makes sense. I know she is clearly not a toddler anymore. But she is my baby and we are getting ready to embark on a new chapter in our journey together! SCHOOL....I don't know how I feel about this!? I'm going to follow her around for the next 3 weeks, squeeze in snuggle time as much as possible, and try to make her feel special all day, everyday! She is so special to me....I just hope she knows that! I hope she knows that mommy loves her more than anything. I hope she knows that I love the way she smells, even the stinky thumb that she sucks all day. I hope she knows what a gift she has been to me! My day will not be the same without her. The house will be quiet and I know the boys will miss her too! I hope she likes school, learns a lot, and makes friends. She's going to love it!

Change is very hard for me, which is odd because nothing ever stays the same! Life is a constant change. How do I say good-bye? I look forward to the future with hope and faith!

I better get some sleep!

Please help support our team fundraising efforts for the Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk, proceeds benefiting the Susan G. Komen for the Cure!

Jual's Gems invites you to come have dinner, drinks, and fun at

Mango Mike's
4458 Duke Street
Alexandria, VA 22304
703-370-3800

Monday, August 10, 2009
5pm-10pm

Please present flyer to your server, in order for our team to receive a donation from the restaurant! See me at Mango Mike's, I will have the flyer!!!

Dining Room & Deck dining only! We look forward to seeing you there!!! Children are welcome!

Beach Highlights #1