1. One of my New Year's resolutions, to try to have more authentic relationships has proven to back fire on me. 3 people popped into mind right away for me to start my quest of being more real. Turns out 2 of them didn't care too much about my authenticity. My thought behind this resolution was to be more open, honest, and true. And by doing this I hoped to strengthen my relationships. Well, with the first 2 people, I'm not so sure they liked what I had to say. Oh well, I said what I said out of love and concern and at least I was honest. I don't want to sit back and ignore things anymore or pretend that everything is ok. The 3rd person that came to mind, well I still haven't found the courage to be honest. We'll have to see how that one goes. I guess, I haven't decided yet if I care enough to go forward or do I just keep putting the band-aid over the issue. The first try didn't go so well, so maybe honestly isn't always the best policy. I have to put more thought into this New Year’s resolution.
2. Chemo is kicking my butt! I feel sick ALL the time and I'm tired of it! I keep spiking high fevers, dealing with unbearable nausea, headaches and just feeling blah! I believe I had a panic attack 2 days ago and last night I was in the ER because of my high fever. I followed up with my doctor today. The good news is that my tumor markers are going down! This means the chemo is working but the bad news is she wants me to continue this regimen. She suggested I start taking a steroid to help counter act some of the nasty side effects. The problem is, I don't want to take a steroid. To be honest, I fear that I will blow up like the marshmallow man and just look ridiculous in my bridesmaid dresses. I know this is vain but hey I don't care. I want to look good! Look good, feel good, right? Well, I caved today and took 1 pill. :-( I'm so mad because besides my vanity...I don't sleep on steroids. Hence, that fact that it's 2 am and I'm blogging. UGH!!!! I value my sleep! Oh and by the way...I still feel like crap. I'm going to give the steroids a fair shot but I'm thinking right now I much rather sleep off the nausea and look good in my dresses. LOL!
Well, now that I got that off my chest! Tomorrow is a new day! 2012 WILL be a great year!