Warning, please don't read this blog if you are sensitive to the "dark side" of things....
You know, being diagnosed with cancer really sucks to say the least. My emotions are like a scary roller coaster, up and down. I try so hard to stay positive and strong but sometimes the fear takes the best of me. They give me a lot of steroids before and after chemo and I feel very agitated, tired but can't sleep, and these are the times that I feel down. I know I had a good day yesterday, but here comes a bad day or two. I feel like my sense of security has been stolen from me, for the rest of my life I will fear this cancer. Even after many people are confirmed cancer free, there is still no guarantee that it will not come back. I never imagined that at 30 years old I would have to think about my death. I feel like my children are in jeopardy of losing their mother and it breaks my heart! But all I can do now is fight with every thing that I have in my heart, mind, and good parts of my body and have faith that everything will be alright (words from Bob Marley, 3 little birds, my new theme song). :-)
Thank you for all your kind words, gestures, thoughts, emails, meals, and help! It really means the world to me and I find strength in your love and support. I know now that I have to live everyday to it's fullest and cherish every moment.
4 comments:
Jual, For what it’s worth, we’re hurting with you. What consolation is it for me to say that I wish that I had cancer instead of you? What do I know? The fact is that I don’t have cancer; you do and it hurts. What we can do is pray with you:
Heavenly Father, I call on You right now in a special way. It is through Your power that I was created. Every breath I take, every morning I wake, and every moment of every hour I live under Your power.
Father, I ask You to touch me with that same power. For if You created me from nothing, You can certainly recreate me. Fill me with the healing power of Your Spirit. Cast out anything that should not be in me. Mend what is broken. Root out any unproductive cells. Open any blocked arteries or veins and rebuild any damaged areas. Remove all inflammation and cleanse any infection.
Let the warmth of Your healing love pass through my body to make new any unhealthy areas so that my body will function the way You created it to function.
And Father, restore me to full health in mind and body so that I may serve You the rest of my life. I ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Jual, MANY love you and are praying for your complete healing. Love, Uncle Ray
Dear Jual,
Thank you for sharing all that is going on in your life. What a giving spirit you have to include so many in such a personal journey. Thank you for letting us be a part of your "open diary". Pictures of you & Alex and Ella & J.P. are in two rooms of the house and we are blessed to be able to pray for all of you. Being able to see Baby Harman growing in the pics on your blog give us such great hope. Thank you & Alex for your love for each other. It is so clear His plan for you to be together. Much love, Aunt Jenny
Jual,
everyone took the words right out of my mouth!! Those were some very inspiring words from my Dad, and my mom speaks the truth when she says you have a very giving spirit-to allow us all in your journey. You have a beautiful family and a strong mind- we are truely blessed to have you, as a part of our family!
Not a day goes by that we do not think about you or pray for your healing.
MUCH love,
Cheryl & Chris
Post a Comment