This time next week...I will be done with treatment! I'm so happy and relieved! It's been a terribly hard 8 months and I'm so thankful it's coming to an end. I'm healthy and happy! I've been cancer free now for 5 months. I plan to stay this way! I plan to live a long healthy life and I will enjoy every minute of it!
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! Your support to me has been a tremendous help and inspiration! I have been truly blessed to have all this wonderful support. My family and friends...is exactly what keeps me fighting!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Merry Christmas!!!
I only have 7 more radiation treatments to go! So with all the holiday breaks, I should finish up Jan. 4! I can't wait! My skin is really red and peeling. Ella says it's looks really disgusting and she is right! It's very sore and irritating but only a few more days and then it can heal up!!!
I've started a clinical trial with my medical oncologist. I will be in this study for the next 3 years. I will be monitored every 4-6 weeks, so I feel "safe"! The study is for women who's cancer is currently in remission. (That's what it reads but I haven't gotten the verbal words from a doctor, still waiting to hear those words!) The study is investigational and is being done to find out if adding a drug (a bisphophonate) to hormonal therapy or chemotherapy will help prevent cancer form spreading to the bones or other parts of the body. I will be in getting an IV injection of one of these drugs every month for the first six months, then every 3 months after that for the next 2 1/2 years. Like I said they will be monitoring me very closely!
My spirits have been pretty good these last couple of days...I guess it's the spirit of Christmas! This is one of my favorite times of year!
Take Care and God Bless!
Friday, November 30, 2007
Hello, my bloggers, Is that what people who reads blogs are called? Or is that what I'm called. I don't know. I don't know Internet lingo...I didn't even know what YouTube was until a couple of weeks ago. I'm so disconnected from the outside world right now. My life is kids, radiation, kids, medical stuff, work and kids again. It's crazy busy. I feel like the energizer bunny...I keep going and going and going but I definitely don't have the energizer batteries in me. I'm so tired. But hey I'm not complaining, just telling you how it is...I love every minute of it..well I love the kid and work part. I don't like the radiation and medical stuff..I can't wait until it's over. Radiation is an everyday commitment and it's a pain in my rear! It takes 3 hours out of every day and most of that is driving time. But it's crucial to my recovery so I do it with pleasure but it's still a pain!
Anyways, I've missed you! I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile. I was starting to feel too vulnerable and embarrassed. I didn't really realize just how many people are actually reading this. I started to feel as if people I didn't even know, or even people I do know for that matter just knew too much about me. I don't know if that makes any sense but it 4am right now so who cares about all of that. I couldn't sleep and I feel inspired to write so here I am.
And even though, I'm so tired I can't sleep. I am so going to pay for this later. I have a show tonight...I hope I don't fall asleep during my presentation or have another "PDM" Public Display of Mental Breakdown. It's bad. I've had 2 in past few weeks. I've completely embarrassed myself. I think I've done a pretty good job of holding it all together so far or at least appeared to be okay from the outside and then breakdown at home or in the car. But I think the demands of radiation have tipped the barrel and the tears have been flowing. I told my mom that I feel like people think that I'm trying to "crying my way out of the speeding ticket" but it's not that at all. It's just that if I get the slightest bit upset watch out...get your umbrellas ready b/c once the tears start they keep coming.
Talk about vulnerability. At this point in my life I feel raw. That's the only way to describe it. I feel as if I've been strip down in public and I'm just exposed. My hair is gone, my breast is gone. I lay on this table at radiation exposed. I've exposed my thoughts on the Internet. I cry like an idiot in public. I just feel like I've been broken down to nothing. I do feel vulnerable and I miss my hair. And I can't even to begin to tell you the emotions, thoughts and feelings about losing my breast...that's a whole other show. But I do feel that when you hit rock bottom the only way is up. So I'm going to keep climbing up and one day I'll be out of this hole.
Even though every thing is good right now. Test results good, chemo done, radiation in progress. Things are looking good. They are and I'm so happy about that. But it's the emotional part that is still not so good. It's been a hard journey and I've gone through so much and it's not over yet. I tell myself I'm okay but sometimes I'm not okay. At 8:30am when Ella wakes up and I say good morning princess and she climbs into my lap, I'll be okay. Or at 9am when Pierce wakes up and he gives me a hug, I'll be okay. Or at 10am when my mom comes over to watch the kids, I'll be okay. Or at 5pm when Alex gets home, I'll be okay. Or at 7pm when I go to my show I'll be okay. Or when Ryder smiles at me, I'll be okay...but every other time of the day who knows if I'll be okay. I keep myself busy so that I can feel okay but the moment I stop being so busy...I don't know how I will feel. That is why I keep working, and playdates, and bible study, and book club and this and that b/c it makes me feel good. My friends and family say I'm doing too much...yeah maybe. But it's a fine line really. I'm doing what I need to do to feel better. I have cancer but I can't let the cancer have me. I'm still going to live my life and enjoy my life. And I'm resting at night when every body else is resting. And when I absolutely need those naps...trust me I take them. I love to sleep!
I know it's okay to have my moments of being sad and angry. I need to allow them to happen, it's healthy to cry and to release it but I rather be happy. I encourage everyone to find that thing that makes them happy and do it! Enjoy your life!
Anyways, I've missed you! I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile. I was starting to feel too vulnerable and embarrassed. I didn't really realize just how many people are actually reading this. I started to feel as if people I didn't even know, or even people I do know for that matter just knew too much about me. I don't know if that makes any sense but it 4am right now so who cares about all of that. I couldn't sleep and I feel inspired to write so here I am.
And even though, I'm so tired I can't sleep. I am so going to pay for this later. I have a show tonight...I hope I don't fall asleep during my presentation or have another "PDM" Public Display of Mental Breakdown. It's bad. I've had 2 in past few weeks. I've completely embarrassed myself. I think I've done a pretty good job of holding it all together so far or at least appeared to be okay from the outside and then breakdown at home or in the car. But I think the demands of radiation have tipped the barrel and the tears have been flowing. I told my mom that I feel like people think that I'm trying to "crying my way out of the speeding ticket" but it's not that at all. It's just that if I get the slightest bit upset watch out...get your umbrellas ready b/c once the tears start they keep coming.
Talk about vulnerability. At this point in my life I feel raw. That's the only way to describe it. I feel as if I've been strip down in public and I'm just exposed. My hair is gone, my breast is gone. I lay on this table at radiation exposed. I've exposed my thoughts on the Internet. I cry like an idiot in public. I just feel like I've been broken down to nothing. I do feel vulnerable and I miss my hair. And I can't even to begin to tell you the emotions, thoughts and feelings about losing my breast...that's a whole other show. But I do feel that when you hit rock bottom the only way is up. So I'm going to keep climbing up and one day I'll be out of this hole.
Even though every thing is good right now. Test results good, chemo done, radiation in progress. Things are looking good. They are and I'm so happy about that. But it's the emotional part that is still not so good. It's been a hard journey and I've gone through so much and it's not over yet. I tell myself I'm okay but sometimes I'm not okay. At 8:30am when Ella wakes up and I say good morning princess and she climbs into my lap, I'll be okay. Or at 9am when Pierce wakes up and he gives me a hug, I'll be okay. Or at 10am when my mom comes over to watch the kids, I'll be okay. Or at 5pm when Alex gets home, I'll be okay. Or at 7pm when I go to my show I'll be okay. Or when Ryder smiles at me, I'll be okay...but every other time of the day who knows if I'll be okay. I keep myself busy so that I can feel okay but the moment I stop being so busy...I don't know how I will feel. That is why I keep working, and playdates, and bible study, and book club and this and that b/c it makes me feel good. My friends and family say I'm doing too much...yeah maybe. But it's a fine line really. I'm doing what I need to do to feel better. I have cancer but I can't let the cancer have me. I'm still going to live my life and enjoy my life. And I'm resting at night when every body else is resting. And when I absolutely need those naps...trust me I take them. I love to sleep!
I know it's okay to have my moments of being sad and angry. I need to allow them to happen, it's healthy to cry and to release it but I rather be happy. I encourage everyone to find that thing that makes them happy and do it! Enjoy your life!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving!
I have a lot to thankful for, all the love and support that I have gotten over the past few months. It's just amazing! It has made me strong and has helped me fight this battle!
My beautiful children, my wonderful husband! The best family and friends!
Thank you!!!!
God Bless You!!
My beautiful children, my wonderful husband! The best family and friends!
Thank you!!!!
God Bless You!!
Friday, November 2, 2007
It's been awhile...
Hi Everyone!
Today, I go for my radiation planning! I will end chemo on Nov. 8 and start radiation on Nov. 14! So there is a light at the end of the tunnel...only a few more weeks!!!
I've been so busy lately. Life seems to be getting back to "normal"! Which is wonderful! I have one more week of chemo!!! Yippy!!! I'm so excited but very nervous at the same time! About 2 weeks ago we stopped the Taxol b/c I was experiencing neuropathy in my toes. It's temporary while on Taxol but could become permanent, so we stopped Taxol. I had a total of 9 rounds. We continued the Carboplatin and next week is my last treatment for a total of 6 rounds!!
Today, I go for my radiation planning! I will end chemo on Nov. 8 and start radiation on Nov. 14! So there is a light at the end of the tunnel...only a few more weeks!!!
In the last 2 weeks, I have also had 2 more scans. A MRI of the brain b/c I was having dizziness. The brain checked out great! Good News! We guess that the dizziness is either from being exhausted, hormones, or from the Taxol. It has gotten better since we stopped the Taxol. I also had another CT scan of chest and abdomen just to rule out everything with the dizziness and plus I've been having lower back pain. CT scan checked out great! More good news!!!
My oncologist and my surgeon seem to be happy with my progress! Hopefully things will stay smooth sailing from here on out!
The kids loved Halloween...we had a blast."Beauty and the Beast" got lots of candy! And Ryder slept in the Baby Bjorn! Ella is already talking about next year!!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Great News!!!!
We have great news to share!!! In April when I was first diagnosed, I had a tumor blood count of 96. On June 27 it was a 67. As of last Thursday, my tumor count is 18!!!!!!! A count 1-30 is considered normal!!! So I'm considered normal again!!! ;-) I'm so relieved!!
More good news...
Ryder is off his apnea monitor!!! He went for his re-evaluation and the last episode that was recorded was on Sept. 12 but it was nothing significant. So for 1 month there were no episodes recorded. He is free of monitor!!! Yippy! He weighs 9lbs. 12oz! WOW!
Thank you for all your prayers....they seem to be working!!! Thank you so much!!!!
Friday, October 5, 2007
Update....
Things seem to be slowing down a bit! Which is really nice because I need the rest! My chemo has been extending for another 4 weeks. My last day was suppose to be Oct. 11 but now it will be Nov. 8. No reason to be concerned about, it's just for dosage reasons. My doctor just wants me to get a full 12 rounds of Taxol and 8 rounds of Carbo. So this pushes back radiation to start the week of Nov. 12. I will have a PET scan sometime around the first of Nov. to re-evaluate my situation. I'm nervous about the PET scan but can't think about that now! I'll cross that bridge when I get there!
Ryder has 2 appts. next week, look for an update next week. A check-up with our pediatrician and a follow-up at Georgetown with the apnea clinic. I hope they take him off the monitor. It makes people nervous. I like it b/c if something were to go wrong, like if he stopped breathing, we'd know about it right away and could do something immediately. Even though I want him to off for convenience purposes, I'm nervous about having him off b/c then I'll be checking on him every 2 minutes to see if he is breathing.
Ella loves school!!!!!!!!!! She is so excited and wants to go everyday! She is learning so much and tells me all about it! We finally convinced her to get her haircut. She didn't want "to cut her hair all off", I think she thought we were going to cut her hair like mine. But somehow we got her there with no fight and she looks adorable. She is such a joy to me, always giving me hugs and kisses. She tells me everyday that my boo-boos will go away soon! She is my own special little cheerleader!
Pierce is talking about a storm, everyday he learns how to say a new word and loves to share it with us. He likes to sing and dance with The Wiggles. He is an eating machine....loves to eat and wants to eat constantly. Pierce has realized that Ryder is here to stay...he's very loving and wants to kiss him all the time but when I'm feeding Ryder, Pierce wants to hug and snuggle with mommy too. So I have to hold both my babies when feeling Ryder. It's quiet cute!
I have had a lot of swelling in my arm and we are concerned about developing Lymphedema. This is a condition of localized fluid retention caused by a compromised lymphatic system. It's not too bad right now but I'm going to go get fitted for a compression sleeve to help alleviate some of the swelling. Especially since I will be flying a couple of times in the next few months for work and the cabin pressure can increase the swelling, the sleeve will help decrease the swelling during flight. Just another not so wonderful thing that has entered my life since the big C word.
But for every not so wonderful thing that has entered in my life, I look for the other very wonderful things in my life! And trust me I have a lot more wonderful thing than not so wonderful. I'm very blessed and thank God for that everyday!
Take care!
Ryder has 2 appts. next week, look for an update next week. A check-up with our pediatrician and a follow-up at Georgetown with the apnea clinic. I hope they take him off the monitor. It makes people nervous. I like it b/c if something were to go wrong, like if he stopped breathing, we'd know about it right away and could do something immediately. Even though I want him to off for convenience purposes, I'm nervous about having him off b/c then I'll be checking on him every 2 minutes to see if he is breathing.
Ella loves school!!!!!!!!!! She is so excited and wants to go everyday! She is learning so much and tells me all about it! We finally convinced her to get her haircut. She didn't want "to cut her hair all off", I think she thought we were going to cut her hair like mine. But somehow we got her there with no fight and she looks adorable. She is such a joy to me, always giving me hugs and kisses. She tells me everyday that my boo-boos will go away soon! She is my own special little cheerleader!
Pierce is talking about a storm, everyday he learns how to say a new word and loves to share it with us. He likes to sing and dance with The Wiggles. He is an eating machine....loves to eat and wants to eat constantly. Pierce has realized that Ryder is here to stay...he's very loving and wants to kiss him all the time but when I'm feeding Ryder, Pierce wants to hug and snuggle with mommy too. So I have to hold both my babies when feeling Ryder. It's quiet cute!
I have had a lot of swelling in my arm and we are concerned about developing Lymphedema. This is a condition of localized fluid retention caused by a compromised lymphatic system. It's not too bad right now but I'm going to go get fitted for a compression sleeve to help alleviate some of the swelling. Especially since I will be flying a couple of times in the next few months for work and the cabin pressure can increase the swelling, the sleeve will help decrease the swelling during flight. Just another not so wonderful thing that has entered my life since the big C word.
But for every not so wonderful thing that has entered in my life, I look for the other very wonderful things in my life! And trust me I have a lot more wonderful thing than not so wonderful. I'm very blessed and thank God for that everyday!
Take care!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Chemo update...
I'm trying to get more pics of Pierce but he is not having it these days. He's on the go, never sits still! So funny and cute! Of coarse, Ella is a ham and loves to have her pictures taken, especially with her baby Ryder!
After chemo last week, I felt very tired. I'm still very tired. I was feeling sick all day Sunday. I just didn't feel very well, it could have been from the chemo or something else. It's hard to tell these days which end is up. The taxol I think makes me very achy and I think the new combo left me exhausted. The good news is....Only 3 more weeks of chemo and then on to radiation. 10 weeks left total, almost done! Hopefully I'll be rocking in the new year free of cancer and treatment and moving on to a new chapter in my life!
My arm is much better, the cording is almost gone and the range of motion is great! I still have a lot of muscle tension. If only I could get a massage, it would be wonderful. But my oncologist has suggested to stay away from massage for now until we repeat scans. B/c of the inflammatory aspect of the cancer, there is some thought that massage could help spread the cancer. And we don't want that, so I'm dealing with the muscle tension.
Ryder is still on his apnea monitor but goes back on October 11 for a re-evaluation. He's monitor has not alarmed in a few weeks. So hopefully he can come off the monitor on the 11th. He's gaining weight, eating well, and sleeping well. He's getting big, getting those chubby checks...soo cute! He's just a sweet blessing! I'm so thankful that he's healthy and here in my life!
Friday, September 21, 2007
An Awakening!!
Literally...Ryder woke up at 4am...I fed him and changed him he is back to sleep but now I'm awake. I feel kinda funny and I think it's b/c of chemo yesterday. My body feels achy and I feel the need to take deep breaths. I finally came downstairs to make a delicious glutamine drink. A powder that is recommended to help with muscle and joint pain that comes along with the Taxol. I started carboplatin yesterday in addition to the Taxol. So the combination may take a toll on me. So as I enjoy my nice grainy drink this morning...I want to share some thoughts...
I feel like I've been slapped in the face sometimes. Wake up!! What have you been?! I've been in the dark and now I'm awake. Let's just hope it's not too late, I want a second chance. I hope for this second chance!
I have had 2 awakenings...okay warning this is a deep post and a little out of my comfort zone but feel the need to write it down and share.
Let's talk about the less deep topic first. This whole healthy lifestyle thing. I'm mean where have I been?! It just seems so simple. Eat healthy, exercise and try to alleviate stress. It's so good for you. I've always thought that I ate pretty healthy and I'd work out on occasion. But life gets busy and you don't make time, convenience seems to become so much easier and the way of life. After all this research I've been doing over the past few weeks. I've learned that there is a lot of room for improvement in my diet and exercise. I also need to find a way to alleviate the stresses of life. I need to make the time and the commitment to a healthier lifestyle. I recommend this to everyone! It might be hard at first but once you get use to it, it will become the way of life. What you feed your body is so important! Dr. Otto Warburg a Nobel Prize winner in 1931 stated that no disease can live in a oxygen rich environment. It makes sense, huh? We can provide our bodies with oxygen with live foods, so load up on those fruits and veggies, drink lots of water, and get your body moving. Bottom line take care of your body, it's all we have.
I know that I didn't cause my cancer but experts say cancer is contributed to a break down of your immune system. So, I could help my body build up it's immune system now and help it get better and just maybe if I had practiced this before who knows. Cancer is still such a mystery to everyone. I just feel the need to take control of something and adapting a new healthier lifestyle for me and my family is a way that I can help. A way I can feel in control again.
Okay on to the deeper topic...
Religion...I'm so going way out of my comfort zone with this post but oh well, here it is...
I've been around religion all my life. I was raised catholic, went to catholic school for grade K-6. Went to church on occasion, have to admit was never a every week kinda person. But you cross paths, you met someone, God is there always and I believe he has lead me in every direction that has brought me here today. I'm going through this trial for a reason. I'm not sure why and it might not have anything to do with me. But one day it will be clear and hopefully it serves a purpose so worth it all!
I do believe that God has been trying to talk to me for while. But I was too stubborn, stupid or blind to see and listen. I believe that a few times he whispered, then sent gentle signs, and then some very obvious signs. Like a big red arrow pointing to a airport chapel after a 2 hour flight with a friend and a deep religious conversation. I heard the whispers, saw the signs but didn't really pay too much attention. Someone asked well did you go into the chapel when yo saw the arrow. I said no. He even sent angels in forms of family, friends, and even co-workers. But now he has hit me over the head...he has my undivided attention. My only concern is why has he being talking to me and now why do I have cancer. Is it because my time in near or is it because I have more work to do.
Over the past several years things have happen to lead me closer to him. It's a really long story but to put things in a nut shell...it's funny how things unfold. I met Alex who was also catholic and during our preparation for marriage we started attending church together. As our relationship developed, I think our relationship with God and our faith strengthen as well together. His mother's tremendous faith even though honestly was a little overwhelming to me at first. It was just not something that I use to and was not comfortable with. Honestly even though I always had religion in my life and I considered myself a believer, it's was something that I felt more that I had to not necessary b/c I wanted to. And honestly the whole concept frighten me, it still kinda frightens me. I don't know why, I thinks it's b/c I don't feel educated enough. But with my mother-in-laws commitment and faith..it helped educated me more and spark curiosity. I then had children and I want to instill good morals, values, and faith in them. We had them baptized and started taking them to church. I started a home-based business a few years ago, I did this to do something part time and to help contribute financially to my family. But WOW...I've gotten so much more than that. The women that I work with closely our wonderful sweet christian women. Again their tremendous faith sparked even more curiosity in me. I've have learned so much over the past year through them then I have in my whole life. And now that I've fighting cancer. I have gotten so much support and prayers. The generosity of others and them sharing their faith has shown me that God is great and that there are good people out there, who really care. People who have faith and are helping me learn and grow closer to God. Religion and Faith has become a priority in my life over the past year or so and especially over the past few months. I've become more curious, I've been reading the bible and other literature. I've been attended church more and I been apart a weekly bible study since the beginning of the year. I want to learn more about God and grow with him in my life. I now do this because it's something I want to do not because I have to. It's become a great sense of calm for me.
The list of people goes on and on that I want to offer my thanks to you. All of you who shared your faith , your words of inspiration and encouragement, all who read my blog, all of you who post comments, all who send cards and gifts, who call me, send emails. WOW! It's all I can say...Thank you so so much! All of you are truely wonderful gifts in my life and I honestly can not thank you enough!
I told you this was deep and sorry if it's too much for you but this is my journey! Cancer as horrible as it is, it has also has opened my eyes to the great gifts and good in my life. Awakenings that have and will continue to help me grow as a person. I have seen love and support from wonderful people, family, friends, and even strangers. I see good things in life despite all the bad. My spiritual journey even though started some time back has exploded into so much more. I feel alive, so alive despite that fact that I'm fighting for my life. Isn't' that funny! Ironic but I'll take it as another sign. I'm strong and fighting hard!
I feel like I've been slapped in the face sometimes. Wake up!! What have you been?! I've been in the dark and now I'm awake. Let's just hope it's not too late, I want a second chance. I hope for this second chance!
I have had 2 awakenings...okay warning this is a deep post and a little out of my comfort zone but feel the need to write it down and share.
Let's talk about the less deep topic first. This whole healthy lifestyle thing. I'm mean where have I been?! It just seems so simple. Eat healthy, exercise and try to alleviate stress. It's so good for you. I've always thought that I ate pretty healthy and I'd work out on occasion. But life gets busy and you don't make time, convenience seems to become so much easier and the way of life. After all this research I've been doing over the past few weeks. I've learned that there is a lot of room for improvement in my diet and exercise. I also need to find a way to alleviate the stresses of life. I need to make the time and the commitment to a healthier lifestyle. I recommend this to everyone! It might be hard at first but once you get use to it, it will become the way of life. What you feed your body is so important! Dr. Otto Warburg a Nobel Prize winner in 1931 stated that no disease can live in a oxygen rich environment. It makes sense, huh? We can provide our bodies with oxygen with live foods, so load up on those fruits and veggies, drink lots of water, and get your body moving. Bottom line take care of your body, it's all we have.
I know that I didn't cause my cancer but experts say cancer is contributed to a break down of your immune system. So, I could help my body build up it's immune system now and help it get better and just maybe if I had practiced this before who knows. Cancer is still such a mystery to everyone. I just feel the need to take control of something and adapting a new healthier lifestyle for me and my family is a way that I can help. A way I can feel in control again.
Okay on to the deeper topic...
Religion...I'm so going way out of my comfort zone with this post but oh well, here it is...
I've been around religion all my life. I was raised catholic, went to catholic school for grade K-6. Went to church on occasion, have to admit was never a every week kinda person. But you cross paths, you met someone, God is there always and I believe he has lead me in every direction that has brought me here today. I'm going through this trial for a reason. I'm not sure why and it might not have anything to do with me. But one day it will be clear and hopefully it serves a purpose so worth it all!
I do believe that God has been trying to talk to me for while. But I was too stubborn, stupid or blind to see and listen. I believe that a few times he whispered, then sent gentle signs, and then some very obvious signs. Like a big red arrow pointing to a airport chapel after a 2 hour flight with a friend and a deep religious conversation. I heard the whispers, saw the signs but didn't really pay too much attention. Someone asked well did you go into the chapel when yo saw the arrow. I said no. He even sent angels in forms of family, friends, and even co-workers. But now he has hit me over the head...he has my undivided attention. My only concern is why has he being talking to me and now why do I have cancer. Is it because my time in near or is it because I have more work to do.
Over the past several years things have happen to lead me closer to him. It's a really long story but to put things in a nut shell...it's funny how things unfold. I met Alex who was also catholic and during our preparation for marriage we started attending church together. As our relationship developed, I think our relationship with God and our faith strengthen as well together. His mother's tremendous faith even though honestly was a little overwhelming to me at first. It was just not something that I use to and was not comfortable with. Honestly even though I always had religion in my life and I considered myself a believer, it's was something that I felt more that I had to not necessary b/c I wanted to. And honestly the whole concept frighten me, it still kinda frightens me. I don't know why, I thinks it's b/c I don't feel educated enough. But with my mother-in-laws commitment and faith..it helped educated me more and spark curiosity. I then had children and I want to instill good morals, values, and faith in them. We had them baptized and started taking them to church. I started a home-based business a few years ago, I did this to do something part time and to help contribute financially to my family. But WOW...I've gotten so much more than that. The women that I work with closely our wonderful sweet christian women. Again their tremendous faith sparked even more curiosity in me. I've have learned so much over the past year through them then I have in my whole life. And now that I've fighting cancer. I have gotten so much support and prayers. The generosity of others and them sharing their faith has shown me that God is great and that there are good people out there, who really care. People who have faith and are helping me learn and grow closer to God. Religion and Faith has become a priority in my life over the past year or so and especially over the past few months. I've become more curious, I've been reading the bible and other literature. I've been attended church more and I been apart a weekly bible study since the beginning of the year. I want to learn more about God and grow with him in my life. I now do this because it's something I want to do not because I have to. It's become a great sense of calm for me.
The list of people goes on and on that I want to offer my thanks to you. All of you who shared your faith , your words of inspiration and encouragement, all who read my blog, all of you who post comments, all who send cards and gifts, who call me, send emails. WOW! It's all I can say...Thank you so so much! All of you are truely wonderful gifts in my life and I honestly can not thank you enough!
I told you this was deep and sorry if it's too much for you but this is my journey! Cancer as horrible as it is, it has also has opened my eyes to the great gifts and good in my life. Awakenings that have and will continue to help me grow as a person. I have seen love and support from wonderful people, family, friends, and even strangers. I see good things in life despite all the bad. My spiritual journey even though started some time back has exploded into so much more. I feel alive, so alive despite that fact that I'm fighting for my life. Isn't' that funny! Ironic but I'll take it as another sign. I'm strong and fighting hard!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Therapy!
I want to share with you some of my therapy techniques. The "real" kind and then my kind. The real kind is the kind that is actually being facilitated by a medical professional and then my kind is what helps me carry on, on a daily basis.
The real kind:
1. Physical Therapy: I'm going twice a week to help get the range of motion back and to help with the "cording" of my lymphatic system. I have a lymphatic vessel that is so tight I can't extend my arm out all the way. It's tight b/c it's working over time to help get the flow function back to normal after surgery and the removal of the lymph nodes. It's getting a little better every day and the physical therapy is helping a lot!
2. Mental Therapy: I do see a counselor twice a month. She is great and has been a huge help and support to me! She is an oncology specialist and is very educated on breast cancer and treatment of breast cancer. It's wonderful to go there and chat about fears, ask questions, and get honest answers. She has been a great resource for me. It's also nice to talk about the things that I don't want to necessary talk about sometimes with my family and friends.
Now my kind:
1. Positive Thinking and Visualization: I'm been very positive. Thinking of the future and believing that I have one. Telling myself that I can beat this. Why not? People with stage III and IV cancer survive all the time. I going to be that person! I'm going to survive. I've also been practicing visualization...I visualize the chemo entering in my body and scooping up all the cancer cells. Hopefully this will help kill all remaining cancer cells.
2. Music Therapy: WOW! This has always been a great source of therapy for me. I love lyrics, the stories or advice that songs give us. I always have theme songs to help me through times, good and bad. It's very powerful, a simple song can make my day better! Here a few that I listen to everyday! I listen to them loud and I sing along, an amazing thing for me to do. I even use certain lines in my positive thinking technique.
Song, Artist, Line
Move Along, All American Rejects, the whole song really but "Right Back What is Wrong!"
3 Little Birds, Bob Marley, "Every thing's going to be alright" b/c of my 3 little birds.
Just Wait, Blues Travelers, "It will come" I have to believe that one day, I will be cancer free!
I'm trying to "right back what is wrong". I'm doing everything in my power to help fight this horrible, scary disease. I'm doing all the treatments advise by my doctors. I'm changing my diet. I'm increasing veggie and fruit intake, increasing whole grains, beans, and nuts, cutting out sugar, no red meat, range-free chicken, organic everything. I'm giving up foods that I love and exploring veggies. I'm cutting back on drinking if not quiting all together. I'm not a huge drinker but I do love my occasional wine or beer. But there is an association with alcohol and breast cancer, it raises your estrogen levels. And since my cancer is estrogen fed, well why feed it? Diet is a simple thing to do. It's a healthy life style and I'm willing to give it a try!
I pray and hope that 10 years from now, I'll look back at all of this and be amazed. I pray for a miracle. I'm inspired by my mother-in-law and her faith that miracles can and do happen.
Please, keep me in your prayers this week...My oncologist is adding a new chemo drug to my treatment in addition to the Taxol. I don't know all the details yet...so I'll post on Thursday. But hopefully the side effects won't be too bad. I'm already feeling the side effects from the Taxol. My toes have numbness, it's really weird. I've read about "chemo" brain and didn't really buy into it. But let me tell you...I have chemo brain. I forget everything. The other day I couldn't remember the word laundry, but maybe that's b/c I have piles of it and don't want to remember. I also have been really off balance, almost to the point of falling over. It's odd!
Well, I have to go to bed...I'm sooooooooooooo tired!!
Lots of Love!
I have more pictures to post...tune in on Thursday...can't find camera right now!
The real kind:
1. Physical Therapy: I'm going twice a week to help get the range of motion back and to help with the "cording" of my lymphatic system. I have a lymphatic vessel that is so tight I can't extend my arm out all the way. It's tight b/c it's working over time to help get the flow function back to normal after surgery and the removal of the lymph nodes. It's getting a little better every day and the physical therapy is helping a lot!
2. Mental Therapy: I do see a counselor twice a month. She is great and has been a huge help and support to me! She is an oncology specialist and is very educated on breast cancer and treatment of breast cancer. It's wonderful to go there and chat about fears, ask questions, and get honest answers. She has been a great resource for me. It's also nice to talk about the things that I don't want to necessary talk about sometimes with my family and friends.
Now my kind:
1. Positive Thinking and Visualization: I'm been very positive. Thinking of the future and believing that I have one. Telling myself that I can beat this. Why not? People with stage III and IV cancer survive all the time. I going to be that person! I'm going to survive. I've also been practicing visualization...I visualize the chemo entering in my body and scooping up all the cancer cells. Hopefully this will help kill all remaining cancer cells.
2. Music Therapy: WOW! This has always been a great source of therapy for me. I love lyrics, the stories or advice that songs give us. I always have theme songs to help me through times, good and bad. It's very powerful, a simple song can make my day better! Here a few that I listen to everyday! I listen to them loud and I sing along, an amazing thing for me to do. I even use certain lines in my positive thinking technique.
Song, Artist, Line
Move Along, All American Rejects, the whole song really but "Right Back What is Wrong!"
3 Little Birds, Bob Marley, "Every thing's going to be alright" b/c of my 3 little birds.
Just Wait, Blues Travelers, "It will come" I have to believe that one day, I will be cancer free!
I'm trying to "right back what is wrong". I'm doing everything in my power to help fight this horrible, scary disease. I'm doing all the treatments advise by my doctors. I'm changing my diet. I'm increasing veggie and fruit intake, increasing whole grains, beans, and nuts, cutting out sugar, no red meat, range-free chicken, organic everything. I'm giving up foods that I love and exploring veggies. I'm cutting back on drinking if not quiting all together. I'm not a huge drinker but I do love my occasional wine or beer. But there is an association with alcohol and breast cancer, it raises your estrogen levels. And since my cancer is estrogen fed, well why feed it? Diet is a simple thing to do. It's a healthy life style and I'm willing to give it a try!
I pray and hope that 10 years from now, I'll look back at all of this and be amazed. I pray for a miracle. I'm inspired by my mother-in-law and her faith that miracles can and do happen.
Please, keep me in your prayers this week...My oncologist is adding a new chemo drug to my treatment in addition to the Taxol. I don't know all the details yet...so I'll post on Thursday. But hopefully the side effects won't be too bad. I'm already feeling the side effects from the Taxol. My toes have numbness, it's really weird. I've read about "chemo" brain and didn't really buy into it. But let me tell you...I have chemo brain. I forget everything. The other day I couldn't remember the word laundry, but maybe that's b/c I have piles of it and don't want to remember. I also have been really off balance, almost to the point of falling over. It's odd!
Well, I have to go to bed...I'm sooooooooooooo tired!!
Lots of Love!
I have more pictures to post...tune in on Thursday...can't find camera right now!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Ella loved school! When I went to drop her off she said "bye Mom, see you tomorrow!" She can't wait to go back! I of course missed her and couldn't wait to go back to get her!
I just wanted you all to know that I feel great! Other than being tried, I feel pretty healthy! Right now...I'm going to take more time to rest. When the kids nap..I'm going to nap and Alex and I are taking turns for the middle of the night feedings. My arm is getting better every day! My range of motion is getting better and I'm going to physical therapy. I have want might be "cording" in my ligaments maybe. I can't extend my arm all the way out. So, I'm actually going to get a 2nd opinion at Fairfax Hospital hopefully next week. My blood cuts have been great...last week almost perfect. I have chemo again today! Looking forward to taking a nap while I'm there! I'll let you know how I feel later!
Take care...
Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Cancer really makes you value the little things...the things we usually take for granted!
I have really learned what matters the most over the past few months. Take the time to smell the roses. Take that vacation you always wanted. Spend time with your family, call that long lost friend. Be kind to others. Relax!
Express yourself...Hug your children, husband, wife, mother, father, siblings, friends. Tell your family that you love them. Tell your friends that you love them. Don't be afraid, don't hold back!
Don't take your health for granted! Eat right, exercise daily! Go to the doctors if you feel that something is wrong. Be your own advocate, be persistent. Get 2nd opinions! Don't make the same mistakes that I did, pay attention to your gut! Don't ignore classic symptoms of well know diseases.
Sometimes...I just wish I could go back in time. I would have been more persistent to have a mammogram or biopsy done. Maybe I could have caught the cancer early, at an earlier stage, less aggressive. Maybe I wouldn't be in this predicament that I am now. But everything happens for a reason, I guess. If I had caught it earlier maybe my precious baby wouldn't be here.
It's so unfair! I pray everyday and night that God heals me! That by some miracle...I make it through this. I can't die now...I have children to raise. I don't know what I would have done or who I would be today if I didn't have my mother there for me! She is my best friend. She has been there for me through everything. She's my "Pollyanna"!
I have a wonderful husband that I adore, we have plans. I haven't had enough of our love story. He needs me. My family needs me!
I'm still staying positive! I fill my head with positive thoughts all day, every minute. I'm allowed to have bad moments. It's healthy to cry and release!
It's just the thought of leaving my babies that stabs me in the heart. It gets me every time, Ella says she loves me! My beautiful Ella, adorable Pierce, and sweet Ryder. How do you tell a child that mommy is not coming back? Well, I'm not going to let that happen! I can't! I will beat this cancer! I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening! I will beat this! I'm otherwise healthy and strong! There's no reason to believe that the cancer will come back! The best medical care, positive thinking and good attitude. That's what I need. Plus, I'm changing my diet. I'm going to do anything and everything to help my body fight against cancer!
Thank you for all your love, support and prayers! My wonderful family, friends, and even people that I have never even met....I can't thank you enough! I'm so grateful for your generosity and kindness!
Much Love,
Jual
Express yourself...Hug your children, husband, wife, mother, father, siblings, friends. Tell your family that you love them. Tell your friends that you love them. Don't be afraid, don't hold back!
Don't take your health for granted! Eat right, exercise daily! Go to the doctors if you feel that something is wrong. Be your own advocate, be persistent. Get 2nd opinions! Don't make the same mistakes that I did, pay attention to your gut! Don't ignore classic symptoms of well know diseases.
Sometimes...I just wish I could go back in time. I would have been more persistent to have a mammogram or biopsy done. Maybe I could have caught the cancer early, at an earlier stage, less aggressive. Maybe I wouldn't be in this predicament that I am now. But everything happens for a reason, I guess. If I had caught it earlier maybe my precious baby wouldn't be here.
It's so unfair! I pray everyday and night that God heals me! That by some miracle...I make it through this. I can't die now...I have children to raise. I don't know what I would have done or who I would be today if I didn't have my mother there for me! She is my best friend. She has been there for me through everything. She's my "Pollyanna"!
I have a wonderful husband that I adore, we have plans. I haven't had enough of our love story. He needs me. My family needs me!
I'm still staying positive! I fill my head with positive thoughts all day, every minute. I'm allowed to have bad moments. It's healthy to cry and release!
It's just the thought of leaving my babies that stabs me in the heart. It gets me every time, Ella says she loves me! My beautiful Ella, adorable Pierce, and sweet Ryder. How do you tell a child that mommy is not coming back? Well, I'm not going to let that happen! I can't! I will beat this cancer! I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening! I will beat this! I'm otherwise healthy and strong! There's no reason to believe that the cancer will come back! The best medical care, positive thinking and good attitude. That's what I need. Plus, I'm changing my diet. I'm going to do anything and everything to help my body fight against cancer!
Thank you for all your love, support and prayers! My wonderful family, friends, and even people that I have never even met....I can't thank you enough! I'm so grateful for your generosity and kindness!
Much Love,
Jual
Monday, September 10, 2007
Who knew...I had a twin!
And we're only 7 years apart! I had to take a picture of me and my brother, we look so much a like especially with the same hair style! I love you Shawn!
Pierce has become very curious about his baby brother! So far seems very loving and interested in Ryder...hopefully this will continue as they get older! I want them to be close and to take care of each other. Looks like Pierce is already in that mode, looking out for his baby brother!
Ella starts preschool on Tuesday! She is very excited! I'm excited for her b/c I know she'll enjoy school but I'm miss her so much when she is at school! We will post pictures later this week!
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
It's 3am..again!
I'm fine...just can't sleep! I've been practicing positive thinking this past week. I keep telling myself over and over that I'm an individual, it doesn't matter that I'm stage IIIB, it doesn't matter how aggressive my particular cancer is, the statistics don't apply to me. None of that applies to me...I'm not putting labels or staging my cancer. I'm not going to listen to non-sense. I'm different, my cancer is gone! I'm zapping my body with all the right drugs and with radiation! I will do what ever it takes and I'm going to beat this! I will overcome this battle! Improvise, adapt, and overcome! (right, ls crew!) I can apply that to cancer. Why, not?
Thank you for all your inspirational words, I really do pull strength from your comments and emails! Thank you for your rally of support and prayers! It means so much to me! Let's hope God hears our prayers!
Much Love....
Thanks, Courtney for the picture!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
It's 3am...I must be...
I'm getting more comfortable with not wearing scarves...now that a little hair has grown back!
I must be delirious!
I need musical notes, I was getting ready to write and looked at the clock, it's 3am...and matchbox 20 popped into my head.
Chemo tomorrow...took my steroids and can't sleep, extremely tired! 3 kids, treatment, surgery, postpartum, and nightly feedings...I don't know why I'm so tired?
I met with a fabulous radiation oncologist today....have decided that I want to see her for my radiation therapy at Reston Hospital...just now need to line up childcare for this. I have to do radiation every day, M-F for 7 weeks, it's going to be tough but we will get through it!
I try to stay positive and pray. But the fear is always there...I hate it! All the what if's run through my head and it just breaks my heart. Cancer is tough but I have to remain strong, I am tougher. I can beat this! I can be one of those women who live 20, 30, 40 years after cancer, right? Why not?
My arm is still very sore from surgery and because of this for the first time since I was diagnosed, I feel "sick". I feel like a cancer patient. The physical reminder that I'm going though the fight for my life.
I feel bad because my family and friends have been so worried about me. I feel bad for the tremendous amount of stress that this has placed on my family! I feel bad b/c my family's lives have been turned upside down. My poor husband! (Oh by the way, who happens to be the most amazing, wonderful man ever!) He's picking up the slack around the house and now back at work. My mom and sisters missing work, Alex missing work, my kids routine disrupted, my in laws traveling back and forth. It's just all too much! It makes me so angry....why, why, why!!! Why are we being put through the ringer. What did I do wrong? What causes cancer?
Do people think I'm going to die...am I? I want to see my kids grow up! I want to grow old with my husband. I want to see Sara get married! I have plans, I have dreams...I'm not going to let this cancer stop me! I can't...I ask God everyday for healing, a cure. But is this too much to ask? What if it's not his plan? All my life I couldn't wait to be a mom...now I have 3 beautiful children...that I absolutely adore and my life is threaten. I could be taken away from them, ripped away from my babies! And then my husband would be left with the burden of having to raise 3 kids by himself. We are such a good team together...we need to be together! I love him so much...I've only had a few years with him...it not nearly enough! I want to have a 50th wedding anniversary!
Everything in my life is great...I'm so happy except for cancer! Cancer has invaded my life and it's horrible! My new normal is having to go to doctor appts. after doctor appts. I just want to spend as much time with my kids as possible and live a long healthy life. It's funny that the very thing that is saving my life (treatment) is also taking me away from my kids 2 to 3 times a week. I switched my chemo day to Thursday b/c Ella will be in preschool on Thursdays...I'm going to go to chemo and come back before she gets home so that it's one less day that I'm away from her.
The constant struggle of traveling to doctors, scheduling babysitters, trying to be normal, keeping up with my lia sophia business, and dealing emotionally. It's catching up but like I said sadly it's becoming the "new normal" and even though it's crazy it's the very thing that keeps me going! I just continue to do the things that I love...being a mom, spending time with my family, doing lia sophia, snuggling with Riley, and spending time with friends. This is my alternative medicine...being me!
Well, I'm babbling on and on....need to try to go back to sleep before Ryder wakes up again!
Thanks for reading...aka listening! Take Care!
:-)
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My scan were "beautiful"! No signs of metastatic disease. Bones, lungs, kidneys, liver, gallbladder all clear!!!
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy and relieved. I was sitting in my chemo chair when she gave me the news...if I could I would have jumped up and down with joy!!! My sister, Sara was with me we just hugged and cried tears of joy!
Thanks for all your prayers, they seem to be working for me!
Praise the Lord!!!
Chemo went well...no signs of allergic reaction, no nausea...just a little tired! Also, some more good news. I only have to do this chemo for 8 weeks instead of 12...my doctor is bumping up my dosage a little each time to cut the duration down a little bit! SWEET!
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy and relieved. I was sitting in my chemo chair when she gave me the news...if I could I would have jumped up and down with joy!!! My sister, Sara was with me we just hugged and cried tears of joy!
Thanks for all your prayers, they seem to be working for me!
Praise the Lord!!!
Chemo went well...no signs of allergic reaction, no nausea...just a little tired! Also, some more good news. I only have to do this chemo for 8 weeks instead of 12...my doctor is bumping up my dosage a little each time to cut the duration down a little bit! SWEET!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Scans Done...
Well, I survived the scary scans. They were not as bad as I thought. Now we just wait to find out the results. I'm "radioactive" so I'm at my parents house spending the night! I can't be around the kids for 24 hours. I miss my babies!!!
Chemo tomorrow....hopefully it won't be too bad!
I'll let you know!
Chemo tomorrow....hopefully it won't be too bad!
I'll let you know!
Monday, August 20, 2007
Ryder went to the pediatrician today for his 1st check-up! The doctor said he looks great and he weighs 5lbs. 6oz.! Good job, Ryder!
I'm feeling better! I met with my oncologist this afternoon and I asked a lot of questions. She seems pleased with where we are right now. Which I take comfort in b/c she usually makes me nervous! The 10 + nodes were in the actual surrounding breast tissue ( I guess the first layer) and then there was an another specimen taken from under the arm...3 nodes, all negative! So now knowing this...I feel better. I thought all 10 + nodes were from under my arm area. This still tells us that the cancer was very aggressive, having a score of 7 out of 9. (9 being the worst obviously). A score based on characteristics of the cancer cells. So we will continue to be aggressive in my treatment!
I start chemo back up this Thursday morning! I will go once a week for 12 weeks. Ouch! But I'm ready to continue the fight!! Why waste any time?!?!
I have so many wonderful gifts in my life and I thank the Lord everyday for them! Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful! I really appreciate it!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Welcome Home Ryder!
Ryder is home with his family!! I'm so pleased that our baby is finally home! Now we can start a new chapter in our lives! I can focus on my 3 little birds! They really help me to stay strong and positive! They make me smile even when I'm crying...that's pretty powerful!
Thank you so much for all your kind words! I'm feeling better today...I guess I just needed to get over the shock! I really went in there thinking everything would be fine, I had high hopes! I got on the Internet last night and read some message boards like Young Survivors, BreastCancer.org, etc. Reading these message boards helped calm my fears! There are so many courageous women out there fighting this same battle! I'm not alone and I have so many wonderful people pulling for me and my family!
I have my CAT and Bone scans next Wednesday, I can't wait any longer. I need to know! I meet with my oncologist on Monday to determine the next chemo treatment and I meet with the radiation oncologist the following Monday.
Thank you again for all the kind words and inspirations!
Thank you so much for all your kind words! I'm feeling better today...I guess I just needed to get over the shock! I really went in there thinking everything would be fine, I had high hopes! I got on the Internet last night and read some message boards like Young Survivors, BreastCancer.org, etc. Reading these message boards helped calm my fears! There are so many courageous women out there fighting this same battle! I'm not alone and I have so many wonderful people pulling for me and my family!
I have my CAT and Bone scans next Wednesday, I can't wait any longer. I need to know! I meet with my oncologist on Monday to determine the next chemo treatment and I meet with the radiation oncologist the following Monday.
Thank you again for all the kind words and inspirations!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Please keep us in your prayers! It was not a good day and I really don't know how much more I can take! Ryder did not come home today which was a real let down. Then I got what I think is the worst news I could have gotten from my pathology report! I went in there hoping to have clear margins and no lymph node involvement. My "hope" is almost gone! There were clear margins except for in the upper right corner. 14 lymph nodes taken and 10 tested positive with cancer. That was really hard to hear! I have to go a get an opinion of a radiation oncologist to see if she thinks we need to go back in a take some more tissue or just do radiation! I'm losing hope! I usually try to find something good in any situation but right now I can't find the good!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Ryder might be coming home tomorrow...we will keep you posted! Please keep your fingers crossed! I also have an appt. with my surgeon and should be getting the pathology reports back, hopefully good news!!!
Ella got to meet her "Baby Ryder" yesterday. The first thing she said was look at his tiny elbow! Then she got to hold him! I think I love him, she tells us!
Thank you for all your good thoughts, prayers, love and support! We love you!!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Update on Ryder!
We went to go see Ryder last night! He is doing very well and looks better every day! He now is taking a bottle of 40cc of formula (which is a little over an ounce) every 3 hours. I was there on Sunday to give him is very first bottle! I'm so happy!! He is off all tubes and IVs. He's just on the monitor, this measures heart rate, oxygen level, and breaths per minute. He is going through a 48 hours test to see if he needs to come home with the monitor. I don't think that he will need to but it's just precautionary! After this test there are just a few more tests that they will need to do to determine if he's ready to come home. (1) They will check his bilirubin levels again and (2) The car seat challenge...They will feed him and then place him in the car seat and monitor him for an hour. They will be checking to see how well he handles being in the car seat as far as breathing, heart rate, and oxygen levels.
He's a very sweet baby...he hardly ever cries and looks so content even though he's going through so much! He likes to sleep in my arms and I can not wait to get him home and spoil him! He needs more love and touch. Every time I talk to him about Ella and Pierce he perks up! The joys of new baby...it's so wonderful! Ryder along with Ella and Pierce will be a good focus for me, a source of love, a will to fight! They ARE my 3 little birds!!!
Uncle Ray...Ryder likes his Villanova outfit! :-)
Saturday, August 11, 2007
I'm Home!!
I'm so happy to be home and feeling good! I'm very pleased that I'm in little pain. I have this wonderful little fanny pack that I carry around that is a constant local anesthetic. It's my new best friend!! I missed my children, my dog, and my bed! I'm still very weak...I keep forgetting b/c I feel so good that I have to take it easy. I get very tired and shaky after awhile and need to lay down. Baby steps...but on the road to recovery!!
Ryder is getting stronger everyday. I just called to check on him and he has been transferred next door to the "less critical" nursery. He likes his feedings which is only 20cc every 3 hours, that's less than an ounce but he likes it. He was under the bilirubin lights today when we went to visit due to his jaundice but will be taken off at 11pm tonight. Hopefully we will be home sometime next week. We can't wait to bring him home!
It was very strange to leave the hospital without him. The closer we got to home, I was so excited to see Ella and Pierce but it was just further and further away from my little baby. We live about an 45 minutes to an hour away from the hospital and I felt so bad leaving him there all alone. Well, he's not really alone...he is being well taken care of and all the nurse think he's cute so he's good! :-)
Thank you all so much for all the prayers, love, and support. Alex and I would not be so "put together" without our family and friends! Again, the words thank you can not even to begin to describe how thankful we really are. We love you and we are very blessed to have such wonderful friends and family!
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Jual's Surgery
OK - I'm going to make this quick, but I wanted to provide an update to those who haven't heard yet. Jual went in for surgery yesterday around 2:00pm. The doctor said it could take as much as 3.5 hours, but around 4:30, she came to the waiting room, where she found me sleeping with an ESPN magazine half covering my face. Way to play the role of the concerned husband, Alex.
After the Jual Harman entourage was finally gathered, the doctor told us that the surgery went well. After that, I pretty much ignored everything that she said. But here's what I remember Jual's mom telling Jual later. She was able to save most of the skin, which will make it easier for reconstruction later. She does not believe there was any spreading. The cancer had not spread into the chest muscle. Here are the unknowns that will be determined after she gets the pathologist report in a week or so. The margins (which is a more clear determinant for spreading), the size of the tumor, and the number of lymph nodes that the doctor removed.
The doctor was very pleased to more pleased that she expected on the pleased scale. She definitely earned her paycheck yesterday (Jual was her third surgery of the day).
I stayed with Jual in the hospital last night. She's doing remarkably well. She could have come home today (Thursday), but will stay one more night until Friday. She has some discomfort and very little pain.
Ryder is getting better every day. He is relying less on the oxygen, and will be taken off the CPAC today, which is the oxygen clips in his nose. He will be hooked up to something called a high-flow canulus to help him breathe, and once he adjusts to that, that will start feeding him through a bottle. His weight, vitals, test results are all outstanding, so we're still anticipating a Monday/Tuesday trip home.
All for now. Will provide another update tomorrow.
Alex
After the Jual Harman entourage was finally gathered, the doctor told us that the surgery went well. After that, I pretty much ignored everything that she said. But here's what I remember Jual's mom telling Jual later. She was able to save most of the skin, which will make it easier for reconstruction later. She does not believe there was any spreading. The cancer had not spread into the chest muscle. Here are the unknowns that will be determined after she gets the pathologist report in a week or so. The margins (which is a more clear determinant for spreading), the size of the tumor, and the number of lymph nodes that the doctor removed.
The doctor was very pleased to more pleased that she expected on the pleased scale. She definitely earned her paycheck yesterday (Jual was her third surgery of the day).
I stayed with Jual in the hospital last night. She's doing remarkably well. She could have come home today (Thursday), but will stay one more night until Friday. She has some discomfort and very little pain.
Ryder is getting better every day. He is relying less on the oxygen, and will be taken off the CPAC today, which is the oxygen clips in his nose. He will be hooked up to something called a high-flow canulus to help him breathe, and once he adjusts to that, that will start feeding him through a bottle. His weight, vitals, test results are all outstanding, so we're still anticipating a Monday/Tuesday trip home.
All for now. Will provide another update tomorrow.
Alex
Monday, August 6, 2007
Ryder Byron Harman is HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is with great pleasure that I announce the arrival of Ryder Byron Harman to the world.
While it was both a miraculous and incredible experience, it was not without some bumps in the road.
We checked into Georgetown University Hospital on Sunday Aug. 5 at 7pm. Jual and I both thought this was going to be a wham-bam lickity-split delivery, largely based on Pierce’s delivery, which was less than 4 hours. Boy, were we wrong.
After the initial processing, Jual finally received the induction drugs around 10:30pm. She was only 1 cm dilated, but we hoped that the drugs would kick in very soon and get the party started quickly. She did not respond as quickly to the petocin. Around 6am, Monday morning, the doctors broke her water. At around 8am, her treating OB (Dr. Landi) came in and joined the fray. She immediately had concerns about the baby’s heart rate, which had been fluctuating wildly since Jual’s water was broken, but we thought all along it was because they did not have the sensors in the right place. Dr. Landi brought in the entire cast from Grey’s Anatomy and ER and before we knew it, there were about 10 doctors/residents/med students in the room. They had her switch sides, put her on different drugs, took her off some drugs, change sensors, change sensors again, and perform a 30 minute pilates routine before they finally got the baby’s heart rate stabilized. We later found out it was due to the umbilical cord wrapped around Ryder’s neck.
At around 10:15am, order was restored, and Jual began pushing, which lasted 15 minutes, and at 10:30am, Ryder was born. You could tell he was upset. After the nurses unwrapped the umbilical cord from his neck, he promptly peed on a nurse and a med student. "Take that, Georgetown doctors", was the expression on his face. Ryder was crying and moving about which was a very good sign.
After a brief moment with mom, the doctors whisked Ryder away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). It is customary, and may be mandatory, that all premature babies spend time in NICU. The length of time depends on how developed the baby is, how he is breathing, whether or not he eats, etc. We found out a short time later that Ryder was having a little difficulty breathing. It is not uncommon this occurs in premature babies (Ryder was 35.5 weeks…Georgetown takes any baby less than 36 weeks into NICU).
After Jual got something to eat and cleaned up, she packed her bags to go to her recovery room, which is two floors below the labor and delivery unit. On our way to recovery, we stopped by NICU to see Ryder. This is another one of those things that I hope no one ever has to experience. The NICU is a room of babies in incubators. For me, it was extremely difficult to see him in this condition. He had oxygen going into his nose, a tube in his mouth so the oxygen could escape, and an IV in his stomach. This is never a site you want to remember as your first one of your baby, even if it is all precautionary. We spent a few minutes with Ryder and away we went to recovery.
A few hours later, after I went home, and left Jual to fend for herself, Jual called me and said his oxygen/blood ratio was not where it should be, and had actually decreased since his initial test. The doctors said they would have to perform a spinal tap to rule out several things, one of them being meningitis. As another precautionary, he was started on an antibiotic. The tests for meningitis will be known in 3 days, and in the mean time, he will continue on the antibiotic. As of Monday night, Jual had been back to see him several times, and said he looked good. One time he was awake and had his eyes open. The nurses said he was a feisty sucker (that’s my boy!!) and had pulled his IVs out a couple times. He, like I, is probably sick as hell of doctors, medicine, monitors, taupe, stale hallways, and ugly nurses (sorry for the ill-timed jokes…I haven’t slept in 36 hours).
So that’s where we stand right now, as of Monday night. In my haste to leave the hospital, I left the camera with Jual. So when I return tomorrow, I will make sure to get the camera, and post pictures tomorrow afternoon.
Please continue to keep Jual and Ryder in your thoughts and prayers. Ryder has come a long way and is not about to stop fighting now. He will remain in NICU for probably a week. Jual’s surgery is still scheduled for Wednesday at 2pm.
While it was both a miraculous and incredible experience, it was not without some bumps in the road.
We checked into Georgetown University Hospital on Sunday Aug. 5 at 7pm. Jual and I both thought this was going to be a wham-bam lickity-split delivery, largely based on Pierce’s delivery, which was less than 4 hours. Boy, were we wrong.
After the initial processing, Jual finally received the induction drugs around 10:30pm. She was only 1 cm dilated, but we hoped that the drugs would kick in very soon and get the party started quickly. She did not respond as quickly to the petocin. Around 6am, Monday morning, the doctors broke her water. At around 8am, her treating OB (Dr. Landi) came in and joined the fray. She immediately had concerns about the baby’s heart rate, which had been fluctuating wildly since Jual’s water was broken, but we thought all along it was because they did not have the sensors in the right place. Dr. Landi brought in the entire cast from Grey’s Anatomy and ER and before we knew it, there were about 10 doctors/residents/med students in the room. They had her switch sides, put her on different drugs, took her off some drugs, change sensors, change sensors again, and perform a 30 minute pilates routine before they finally got the baby’s heart rate stabilized. We later found out it was due to the umbilical cord wrapped around Ryder’s neck.
At around 10:15am, order was restored, and Jual began pushing, which lasted 15 minutes, and at 10:30am, Ryder was born. You could tell he was upset. After the nurses unwrapped the umbilical cord from his neck, he promptly peed on a nurse and a med student. "Take that, Georgetown doctors", was the expression on his face. Ryder was crying and moving about which was a very good sign.
After a brief moment with mom, the doctors whisked Ryder away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). It is customary, and may be mandatory, that all premature babies spend time in NICU. The length of time depends on how developed the baby is, how he is breathing, whether or not he eats, etc. We found out a short time later that Ryder was having a little difficulty breathing. It is not uncommon this occurs in premature babies (Ryder was 35.5 weeks…Georgetown takes any baby less than 36 weeks into NICU).
After Jual got something to eat and cleaned up, she packed her bags to go to her recovery room, which is two floors below the labor and delivery unit. On our way to recovery, we stopped by NICU to see Ryder. This is another one of those things that I hope no one ever has to experience. The NICU is a room of babies in incubators. For me, it was extremely difficult to see him in this condition. He had oxygen going into his nose, a tube in his mouth so the oxygen could escape, and an IV in his stomach. This is never a site you want to remember as your first one of your baby, even if it is all precautionary. We spent a few minutes with Ryder and away we went to recovery.
A few hours later, after I went home, and left Jual to fend for herself, Jual called me and said his oxygen/blood ratio was not where it should be, and had actually decreased since his initial test. The doctors said they would have to perform a spinal tap to rule out several things, one of them being meningitis. As another precautionary, he was started on an antibiotic. The tests for meningitis will be known in 3 days, and in the mean time, he will continue on the antibiotic. As of Monday night, Jual had been back to see him several times, and said he looked good. One time he was awake and had his eyes open. The nurses said he was a feisty sucker (that’s my boy!!) and had pulled his IVs out a couple times. He, like I, is probably sick as hell of doctors, medicine, monitors, taupe, stale hallways, and ugly nurses (sorry for the ill-timed jokes…I haven’t slept in 36 hours).
So that’s where we stand right now, as of Monday night. In my haste to leave the hospital, I left the camera with Jual. So when I return tomorrow, I will make sure to get the camera, and post pictures tomorrow afternoon.
Please continue to keep Jual and Ryder in your thoughts and prayers. Ryder has come a long way and is not about to stop fighting now. He will remain in NICU for probably a week. Jual’s surgery is still scheduled for Wednesday at 2pm.
Friday, August 3, 2007
What a beautiful site! We saw a rainbow last weekend as we sat on our front porch and had a picnic dinner with the kids. I've been asking for a sign to let me know that I will be okay. Is this is? Maybe! I have to believe that this is a sign because I have to believe that everything will be okay! That I'm going to be okay!
Everyone keeps asking me if I'm getting nervous. I'm definitely not nervous about having my beautiful baby boy! I love delivery, it's such an exciting event after a long 9 (in this case 8) months! Surgery, I'm a little nervous I guess, but mostly about the results of the pathology report and recovery. As for surgery itself...I'm ready! I'm ready for all the cancer cells to be removed my body!
The thing that I'm really nervous about is the CAT and bone scan. Since we've had to wait so long for these tests, it's just been weighing on my mind! We really have no reason to believe that the cancer has spread but because Inflammatory Breast Cancer is such an aggressive form of cancer it just worries me. I just hope and pray that for the best case scenario, clear margins and cancer free through out my body!
Thank you for all your love, support and prayers! It really means a lot to me and Alex! We would not be able to be so strong if it wasn't for our family and friends! We love you!!
Monday, July 30, 2007
One more week....
Well, this time next week our beautiful baby boy will be here! I'm so excited and can't wait to see him and hold him! I'm focusing on the fact that I'm having a baby! He's going to be great!! He's estimated right now to be 5lbs. 4oz. He has one more week to gain a few more ounces. Hopefully, he'll be closer to 6lbs. but I just want to be healthy and strong!! I'm very curious to see if he has more hair then me! If he's anything like his brother, he will have a full head of hair! As soon as we can we will post he's stats and a picture!!
The plan is...I'm going into the hospital Sunday night at 7pm, they are going to start the induction that evening. So most likely he'll be born before morning. My labor with Pierce was only 4 hours, from the time they gave me the potocin to the time he was delivered! I'm hoping this delivery will be just as easy! Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday at 2pm, so I get to spend a few days with the sweet baby!
I feel fine, just really, really tired! I'm just going to take it easy this week and rest. I want to spend time with Ella and Pierce. Ella is having a lot of separation anxiety with me lately. I just hope that next week she'll be okay with Grandma! But I will be gone from Sunday until at least Friday, this will be the longest that I have ever been away from my babies!! I'm going to miss them so much!!!
While I'm at the hospital, I will get a full body CAT scan and a full body bone scan. This is standard staging procedures that they haven't been able to do because of the pregnancy. This will let us know if the cancer has or hasn't spread to other parts of my body! I hope and pray everyday that it hasn't spread. I pray that it has been contained the breast and they get clear margins during surgery!
Well, it late...I need to get some sleep! I hope everyone has a great week! Take care!
The plan is...I'm going into the hospital Sunday night at 7pm, they are going to start the induction that evening. So most likely he'll be born before morning. My labor with Pierce was only 4 hours, from the time they gave me the potocin to the time he was delivered! I'm hoping this delivery will be just as easy! Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday at 2pm, so I get to spend a few days with the sweet baby!
I feel fine, just really, really tired! I'm just going to take it easy this week and rest. I want to spend time with Ella and Pierce. Ella is having a lot of separation anxiety with me lately. I just hope that next week she'll be okay with Grandma! But I will be gone from Sunday until at least Friday, this will be the longest that I have ever been away from my babies!! I'm going to miss them so much!!!
While I'm at the hospital, I will get a full body CAT scan and a full body bone scan. This is standard staging procedures that they haven't been able to do because of the pregnancy. This will let us know if the cancer has or hasn't spread to other parts of my body! I hope and pray everyday that it hasn't spread. I pray that it has been contained the breast and they get clear margins during surgery!
Well, it late...I need to get some sleep! I hope everyone has a great week! Take care!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
It's been awhile...
This week has been so busy! I'm ready for another vacation (HA) but that's not going to happen anytime soon! :-)
I had chemo on Wednesday and everything went well. My friend Michelle went with me and we did some scrapbooking! Hey..I'm there for four hours...so why not make it into "treat"ment time! We got a lot done and time went by really fast! I felt fine..just tired. Every time treatment really is a little different. Thank you, Michelle for going with me!
This was my last treatment before baby and surgery. The next 2 steps will be the kickers but I have lots of help lined up! I will try to keep you posted as much as possible, if not then I'll have Alex post an update!
I have a some good news that doesn't pertain to me...but want to share it! My wonderful husband just got a promotion at work! He is very happy and I'm very excited for him! He has been working so hard and deserves the recognition!!
Pierce is finally walking! He walks everywhere and is doing pretty good! He is so cute and so proud of himself! He walks around with a huge smile on his face!
Ella is about 98% potty trained. She's only had 2 accidents since we got back from the beach! This is very exciting for Mommy and Daddy, maybe we can stop buying pull-ups soon and only have to buy 2 sets of diapers! Mommy is also happy b/c she starts preschool in the fall and HAS to be potty trained! She is very excited about her baby brother coming, she asks me everyday!
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers...I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me!
I had chemo on Wednesday and everything went well. My friend Michelle went with me and we did some scrapbooking! Hey..I'm there for four hours...so why not make it into "treat"ment time! We got a lot done and time went by really fast! I felt fine..just tired. Every time treatment really is a little different. Thank you, Michelle for going with me!
This was my last treatment before baby and surgery. The next 2 steps will be the kickers but I have lots of help lined up! I will try to keep you posted as much as possible, if not then I'll have Alex post an update!
I have a some good news that doesn't pertain to me...but want to share it! My wonderful husband just got a promotion at work! He is very happy and I'm very excited for him! He has been working so hard and deserves the recognition!!
Pierce is finally walking! He walks everywhere and is doing pretty good! He is so cute and so proud of himself! He walks around with a huge smile on his face!
Ella is about 98% potty trained. She's only had 2 accidents since we got back from the beach! This is very exciting for Mommy and Daddy, maybe we can stop buying pull-ups soon and only have to buy 2 sets of diapers! Mommy is also happy b/c she starts preschool in the fall and HAS to be potty trained! She is very excited about her baby brother coming, she asks me everyday!
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers...I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me!
Friday, July 13, 2007
Here's the Deal!
I met with my surgeon yesterday and here is the plan! I have one more round of chemo next week, July 18. I have to wait 3 weeks after chemo to have surgery, I will go into the hospital (Georgetown Hospital) on Aug. 6 and be induced at 35 1/2 weeks. I'll get to spend 2 precious days with my newborn before I'm taken to surgery on Aug. 8. The baby will most likely be in the NICU for a few days maybe even a week just in case. Hopefully everything will go okay with me and the baby will be fine and we can both go home together Friday, Aug. 10! That would be best case scenario. All of the doctors that I have met with, the high-risk OB, the neonatologist (who knows how to spell this things), and my surgeon have all been so nice and accommodating. They will be taking very good care of me and baby!
After surgery, I will start chemotherapy again within a few weeks, a different type (Taxol) one that is not known to be safe during pregnancy that is why I will be doing this after delivery. This will probably be once a week for a few months. I then plan on doing radiation, this will be everyday for about a month. Hopefully this we be the end of my treatment but I guess we really won't know that until we come to that bridge. I will be taking tamoxifen, a hormone therapy for 5 years following treatment as a preventative method.
Needless to say, I have a long road ahead of me still. I'm just looking at it as a small price to pay for my health!
I really appreciate all the love and support! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Please keep me and the baby in your prayers, as I will keep you in mine!
After surgery, I will start chemotherapy again within a few weeks, a different type (Taxol) one that is not known to be safe during pregnancy that is why I will be doing this after delivery. This will probably be once a week for a few months. I then plan on doing radiation, this will be everyday for about a month. Hopefully this we be the end of my treatment but I guess we really won't know that until we come to that bridge. I will be taking tamoxifen, a hormone therapy for 5 years following treatment as a preventative method.
Needless to say, I have a long road ahead of me still. I'm just looking at it as a small price to pay for my health!
I really appreciate all the love and support! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Please keep me and the baby in your prayers, as I will keep you in mine!
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Well, we are back from the beach! I miss it already but I feel great, renewed! I'm ready to fight and conquer all! I will make it a point to back again sometime in the fall before it gets too cold to help again with the healing process! I'm so refreshed and rested, I really needed a vacation!!
The kids loved the beach. Ella had a blast playing with her cousins, splashing in the water, looking for pirates, and making sand castles. Pierce had no fear...he would crawl right into the water. He didn't mind the sand, just moved right along despite getting all sandy! He liked to sit in his Nemo chair and snack all day! He also liked playing with the sea shells. Alex got some good guitar time in and he got to go see the new Die Hard movie.
We had a great time with the whole Vorce clan, very nice to spend time with family! We had a photographer come and take family pictures on the beach. I can't wait to see them! This the first time we have all taken a picture together! It was my idea..I'm so brillant!!! :-)
The kids loved the beach. Ella had a blast playing with her cousins, splashing in the water, looking for pirates, and making sand castles. Pierce had no fear...he would crawl right into the water. He didn't mind the sand, just moved right along despite getting all sandy! He liked to sit in his Nemo chair and snack all day! He also liked playing with the sea shells. Alex got some good guitar time in and he got to go see the new Die Hard movie.
We had a great time with the whole Vorce clan, very nice to spend time with family! We had a photographer come and take family pictures on the beach. I can't wait to see them! This the first time we have all taken a picture together! It was my idea..I'm so brillant!!! :-)
Thursday, July 5, 2007
I hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th of July! We had a blast...Ella and Pierce loved the fireworks! I feel great...I've had many moments that I don't think about cancer and all that I have to go through over the next few months. The weather has been great! I hope to come back maybe in the fall. This has been a great healing experience for me. I'm spending time with my family, reading, playing with the kids, and sitting on the beach, there is no where else that I rather be! Take care!
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Hello,
I met with the high risk OB on Friday, I will be transferring my baby care to Georgetown as well. I will go in a few days before surgery and they will induce labor, probably between 35 and 36 weeks and we will try natural childbirth...well with super drugs if needed!! Ha Ha! I'm happy about that...didn't want to heal from 2 major surgeries. I think it's kinda neat that all my babies will be born at different hospitals. We are looking at the first week in August right now..but that will be confirmed on July 12 after I meet with my surgeon!
I'm at the beach for the next week, one of my most favorites places in this world. I'm looking forward to some relaxation and fun! Just the smell of the ocean air has already lifted my spirits!
I met with the high risk OB on Friday, I will be transferring my baby care to Georgetown as well. I will go in a few days before surgery and they will induce labor, probably between 35 and 36 weeks and we will try natural childbirth...well with super drugs if needed!! Ha Ha! I'm happy about that...didn't want to heal from 2 major surgeries. I think it's kinda neat that all my babies will be born at different hospitals. We are looking at the first week in August right now..but that will be confirmed on July 12 after I meet with my surgeon!
I'm at the beach for the next week, one of my most favorites places in this world. I'm looking forward to some relaxation and fun! Just the smell of the ocean air has already lifted my spirits!
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thanks, Uncle Ray! That prayer has become one of my favorites..I've been praying everyday! I do find comfort in knowing that whatever happens, God will take care of everything.
I've always like the phrase, "Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much"...it's so true. I like the idea and I've always tired to do this. Now, I want to do this even more. I'm going to live as well as I can, I still laugh..I always try to find humor in any situation, even if it's just a coping mechanism sometimes, and I will love more than I ever have before. So, if I tell you more or hug you more just bare with me. I look at all the gifts in my life and think why in the world did I ever complain about anything. I have so many wonderful "things" and not to mention the most wonderful friends and family. I've decided that I'm going to try to not complain so much, you know don't sweat the small stuff. Another thing that I've decided to do is release negative energy, what ever it maybe, I don't need it now.
Well, I have an appt. this morning at Georgetown with a high risk OB, just to check in and get her opinion on options. I will let you know what she has to say!
I've always like the phrase, "Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much"...it's so true. I like the idea and I've always tired to do this. Now, I want to do this even more. I'm going to live as well as I can, I still laugh..I always try to find humor in any situation, even if it's just a coping mechanism sometimes, and I will love more than I ever have before. So, if I tell you more or hug you more just bare with me. I look at all the gifts in my life and think why in the world did I ever complain about anything. I have so many wonderful "things" and not to mention the most wonderful friends and family. I've decided that I'm going to try to not complain so much, you know don't sweat the small stuff. Another thing that I've decided to do is release negative energy, what ever it maybe, I don't need it now.
Well, I have an appt. this morning at Georgetown with a high risk OB, just to check in and get her opinion on options. I will let you know what she has to say!
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Warning, please don't read this blog if you are sensitive to the "dark side" of things....
You know, being diagnosed with cancer really sucks to say the least. My emotions are like a scary roller coaster, up and down. I try so hard to stay positive and strong but sometimes the fear takes the best of me. They give me a lot of steroids before and after chemo and I feel very agitated, tired but can't sleep, and these are the times that I feel down. I know I had a good day yesterday, but here comes a bad day or two. I feel like my sense of security has been stolen from me, for the rest of my life I will fear this cancer. Even after many people are confirmed cancer free, there is still no guarantee that it will not come back. I never imagined that at 30 years old I would have to think about my death. I feel like my children are in jeopardy of losing their mother and it breaks my heart! But all I can do now is fight with every thing that I have in my heart, mind, and good parts of my body and have faith that everything will be alright (words from Bob Marley, 3 little birds, my new theme song). :-)
Thank you for all your kind words, gestures, thoughts, emails, meals, and help! It really means the world to me and I find strength in your love and support. I know now that I have to live everyday to it's fullest and cherish every moment.
You know, being diagnosed with cancer really sucks to say the least. My emotions are like a scary roller coaster, up and down. I try so hard to stay positive and strong but sometimes the fear takes the best of me. They give me a lot of steroids before and after chemo and I feel very agitated, tired but can't sleep, and these are the times that I feel down. I know I had a good day yesterday, but here comes a bad day or two. I feel like my sense of security has been stolen from me, for the rest of my life I will fear this cancer. Even after many people are confirmed cancer free, there is still no guarantee that it will not come back. I never imagined that at 30 years old I would have to think about my death. I feel like my children are in jeopardy of losing their mother and it breaks my heart! But all I can do now is fight with every thing that I have in my heart, mind, and good parts of my body and have faith that everything will be alright (words from Bob Marley, 3 little birds, my new theme song). :-)
Thank you for all your kind words, gestures, thoughts, emails, meals, and help! It really means the world to me and I find strength in your love and support. I know now that I have to live everyday to it's fullest and cherish every moment.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Well, another round of chemo under my belt! It went well...I feel just fine. I'm a little tired and thirsty but other than that everything is so far so good! My oncologist said today she "felt" better seeing me today then she did the last time. She spoke with my surgeon and said my surgeon sounded "optimistic". My tumor count has gone down...she didn't give me numbers but said it was heading in the right direction. She took my tumor count again today and we will see where that is soon. My blood counts are good and have been which is a relief! So, I would say today was a good day...another small victory in this battle! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Please keep me in them and I will keep you in mine!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Amazing!
I am blessed with the most amazing people in my life! I could not ask for anything more. Here is a picture of the Y-Me Breast Cancer walk that we participated in on Mother's Day 2007. This was 1 month after I was diagnosed and over 70 friends and family members showed up to walk. We raised over $8700 towards breast cancer research and support for women who are fighting this scary disease.The love and support that I have gotten is truly amazing. The words "thank you" can not even begin to express my appreciation and gratitude! Thank you so much!
Chemo Tomorrow
Well, I have my 4th round of chemo tomorrow afternoon. I hope all goes well...last round I felt a little fluish that evening. I'm just going to take it easy and sleep it off! I meet with my surgeon on July 12 to re-evaluate the situation. The plan for now is to have at least 1 to 2 more rounds of chemo so that we can get the baby to at least 35 weeks. We will then deliver and have surgery within a very close time frame! I'll have more details on July 12! Have a great day!!
Monday, June 25, 2007
Hi Everyone!
I thought this would be a great way to keep everyone informed about my health and I can also show off my beautiful babies, wonderful husband, sweet dog, and awesome family and friends!
Yesterday, we celebrated my 30th birthday! It was a fantastic surprise party! I had so much fun! Thank you to all who came out, it really means a lot! I was going to postpone the whole birthday celebration until next year...but yesterday was fun! :-) Thanks!
I thought this would be a great way to keep everyone informed about my health and I can also show off my beautiful babies, wonderful husband, sweet dog, and awesome family and friends!
Yesterday, we celebrated my 30th birthday! It was a fantastic surprise party! I had so much fun! Thank you to all who came out, it really means a lot! I was going to postpone the whole birthday celebration until next year...but yesterday was fun! :-) Thanks!
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